Miss Rosenthal’s Revenge

We Brits don’t have a Paris, a Lindsey, or a Britney to keep our press amused with their air-headed misdeeds. Although the tabloids have tried hard to make Peaches Geldoff into a similar type of figure, she’s just too…sensible really.

Geldoff Girl in Shoplifting Shame ran a headline in the Daily Star. It turned out she’d been asked to return to a store after an alarm had gone off by mistake. How pathetic! Especially when compared with 45 days in the slammer for drink driving.

I guess the nearest equivalents are our precocious group of young female pop stars. Joss Stone has already come to The Spank Statement’s attention. Then there’s naughty Lily Allen and boozy Amy Winehouse . True, these three have all got the inconvenient drawback of being genuinely talented, but that doesn’t stop the red-top hacks from watching their every move, and then presenting it in as negative a light as possible.

They missed out on this story however about Amy Winehouse which appeared buried in a long interview in The Observer last week. It’s such a gift that I just had to share it with you:

“It’s a bright Friday afternoon in north London and singer Amy Winehouse, 23, and her best friend, Juliette Ashby, also 23, are busy bringing Osidge Primary School, their old alma mater, to a standstill.

They’re doing this both metaphorically – the children are gingerly approaching Winehouse, all stork’s nest hair and extravagantly kohled eyes, to ask if she’s famous – and literally: at one point the pair disappear, muttering something about ‘checking out the old sports hall’ and a couple of minutes later the fire alarm goes off. The buildings are evacuated and eventually an unrepentant-looking Winehouse and Ashby reappear, accompanied by a very unamused Miss Rosenthal, the acting headmistress, whose pursed lips imply she’s fingered the culprits. She peremptorily orders us off the premises.

‘Thing is, we always wanted to do that when we were here,’ says Winehouse.

‘Yeah,’ agrees Ashby. ‘But we never had the bottle.’ ”

I just love that detail about the headmistress’ pursed lips.

I’m sure you can come up with an alternative ending to this anecdote, in which the prim and proper Miss Rosenthal exacts a rather more traditional price for the offence committed.

This, for me, would be just about the perfect scenario really. Grown women reverting to naughty school girl type, and being punished in an authentic school environment. And if the chastened women are rebellious and wild types, then that makes the comeuppance all the sweeter.

To illustrate this point, I’ve found some pics from the website Sound Punishment of a model called Emily. Any resemblance to a certain North London jazz singer is purely coincidental.

Amy & Emily 6

Stage 1: All rock ‘n roll aggression and “in-your-face” attitude.

Emily 11

Stage 3: All simmering resentment and “oooh-my-bottom’s-sore” wounded pride.

Emily 12

If you’re curious about Stage 2 then you have three options:

  1. Use your imagination.
  2. Check out this free gallery for some hints.
  3. Join Sound Punishment (of which more to come later).

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