Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – No.4

Girl’s Aloud:

The dramatic shadows in this picture of pop group Girl’s Aloud, seem to add to the atmosphere – imagine the outline of a headmaster flexing his cane projected against that wall behind them. Whoever took this picture, certainly had our sort of fantasy in mind.

Girls Aloud1

Girl’s Aloud came to fame through the programme Pop Idol, in which they had to pass through a series of auditions before being chosen to be in the band. It would seem that they are now auditioning for Spank Idol(what a great show that would be?). Having successfully got through the first round, they moved on to the next – cameo appearances in the new St Trinian’s film:

Girl's Aloud 6

Unfortunately Nicola, the red-head, pictured on the left above, was caught on set chatting on her mobile phone when she should have been learning her lines. (See below)

As the rare final picture shows, not only was she ejected from Spank Idol after this round, but appropriately enough, sent back to obscurity with a very sore bottom.

Girls Aloud 7Girls Aloud 2Girls Aloud 4

It’s well recorded that Girl’s Aloud aren’t permitted to cough without being told to by their management. Appealing to the repressed spanko impulse in society is clearly a shrewd marketing strategy. But it’s hardly original, because Tatu wrote the book for this sort of stuff in 2003, not to mention Britney Spears in the nineties.

Russian duo Tatu’s image was controversially based on spanking websites, provoking calls that their records should be banned. Here’s a good example of what I mean using the Philly Edge magazine cover that I wrote about yesterday as a nicely topical point of comparison.

Tatu and Pixie 3

Funny that no-one seems to think that Girl’s Aloud or the St Trinians film should be banned for doing much the same thing. Was Tatu’s real crime that they weren’t western? Or perhaps, horror of horrors, up front and honest about what they were doing?

Of course, however many times Girl’s Aloud are photographed in these sorts of poses and uniforms, it’s all a tease, a knowing, ironic charade. We’re never really going to really see them get caned or punished are we?

Look at the knowing smirks and arch expressions in the top photo. Take Cheryl Cole (second from left) for example. She hardly looks like she’s about to face the music does she, more like she’s trying to seduce the cameraman.

Now contrast the look on her face with that in this picture.

Cheryl 001

Here the pampered pop millionaire is about to appear in court on charges of assaulting a humble and impoverished black lavatory cleaner. (She was later found guilty).

Without much make-up, without cliché uniform, without clever lighting, without a middle-aged music mogul pulling strings on her arms and legs. She looks every inch the recalcitrant student who has been caught bullying, and is now on her way to the headmistress’s office for an appointment with the cane. In fact, what’s so great about this picture is that it shows a celebrity who doesn’t want to be a spanking model.

Finally, here’s a link to a brand new rear view of Cheryl in a bikini that I just found on Chross’ blog. (Thanks Chross!)

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