So what do you think about tattoos? Love ’em or hate ’em, one thing’s for sure you can’t ignore them because they’re everywhere, including all over women’s bottoms.
In fact especially all over women’s bottoms. From the discreet little heart or lip shaped mark, to the serpent snaking right down the thigh, booties have never been so adorned with artwork.
The ubiquitous “tramp stamp” on the lower back, seems designed to draw attention to the bottom, providing a sort of frame for it.
Celebrity tramp stamps: Models Ana Beatriz Barros and Sophie Anderton
But it’s the process of actually getting a tattoo on the behind that’s the really interesting bit.
“Bend over the table”…”Take down your panties”…”This may sting a bit”. Now where have I have I heard phrases like those before?
This series of pics show a cute girl getting her butt tattooed, showing it off, and then sitting very uncomfortably on a bed afterwards (te he!)
Bottom bared, face hidden
Finished tattoo + wedgie
Showing it off
Not smiling now: Lying on her side and gingerly touching her sore rump
The fashion certainly isn’t showing any sign of going away. But that’s the point about tattoos isn’t it? They can’t go away – not easily. And if the process of getting them done isn’t painful enough, having them removed must be even worse.
If you change your mind about that Tibetan symbol, or split up with a lover whose name you had etched into your buttocks, suddenly that tattoo will look rather ridiculous.
Jessica Callan is a journalist and author who was one of the original “3am girls” on British tabloid The Daily Mirror – a much copied all-female gossip column.
Jessica Callan: 11 Years of embarrassment and spanking
This funny story tells how she came to regret the tattoo she chose for her butt, which caused her to endure 11 years of people trying to spank her whenever she was in a bikini!
And when she tried to take remedial action to protect her constantly bruised posterior (and pride), things got even worse.
Thirteen years ago, when I was in my first year at university, I decided that I fancied a tattoo. But unlike my female friends who had more feminine tattoos such as flowers, a seahorse, rainbows and a Winnie the Pooh figure, I wanted to be different.
So I went for a spider!
To this day, I have no clue how I reached that decision, nor any understanding why it seemed like a good idea. I didn’t think about it for long.
A week later, I went to the tattoo store in the basement of the now-defunct Kensington Market, dropped my jeans, lay face down on the table and told the tattooist to do his best on my bottom.
I attempted to show the 3in black tattoo to my horrified mother, who refused to look at it. My father approved of it, but said: “You should have told me you were having it done – I would have lent you my signet ring so you could have had the family crest done instead.”
Jessica Callan’s griffin design on her much-swatted behind
Apart from this not being the reaction I had expected from my father, it struck me what a good idea that would have been.
Our family crest is a griffin: the half-lion, half-eagle mythological creature. Again, not exactly girlie, but it had more meaning than my spider.
And so started my feelings of regret. Why hadn’t I thought this through properly?
Luckily, as it was on my behind, I wasn’t reminded of my mistake on a daily basis. But I’d had it done low down on my right cheek, so when I wore a bikini it was visible.
I endured 11 years of jokes every time I was in a swimsuit from people trying to swat my spider!
I considered removal but felt that, as I had known full well that tattoos are permanent, it would be my punishment for being too impulsive.
Most of the time I forgot it was there. But in January 2006, while travelling in New Zealand, I decided to get my spider tattoo covered up with another one. This time I knew what I wanted.
I printed off a picture of a griffin from the net, found a tattoo shop and booked myself in for an £80 session the next day.
The tattooist showed me the transfer he had done of the picture. It was huge.
“To keep all this wonderful detail in the wings, it has be this size,” he said.
“But it’s as big as the palm of my hand! It’ll take up a fair chunk of my bottom!” I pointed out. He shrugged and told me to keep it big.
So I went for it. This time it was much more painful and took more than an hour. The outline felt as if the tattooist was using a razor blade on me. When he was finished, he took a photo for his book, then led me to a full-length mirror to show me his handiwork. I realised, with horror, that the griffin looked like something out of Harry Potter.
But by the time I returned to London, I had talked myself around and decided that I loved my new tattoo.
I duly showed it to my father, only to discover that it was the wrong sort of griffin! I believe his words were: “Oh dear. You’ve really ballsed it up, haven’t you?”
Tattoo regret is, sadly, very common. But I’m stuck with a tattoo that makes me look like a walking ad for the old Midland Bank.
I looked into laser removal, but because of the size of my tattoo, it would be expensive as I’d need up to ten sessions, and the effectiveness of the removal can’t be guaranteed, so I’d rather not take the risk. For the time being, I am left with an even bigger tattoo I don’t want.
My boyfriend delights in telling me how much I will embarrass future grandchildren with the grotesque tattoo on what will one day be my wrinkly backside.
Interesting that she regarded the embarrassment and swats to her behind as a deserved punishment for her impulsiveness.
Halle Berry is another celeb who has reportedly had to have a tattoo (of an ex’s name) on her bottom removed. But the only time I’ve ever seen a picture of a celeb actually getting a tattoo on the behind is this picture of erm…Tatu!
The final word on tattoos though has to go to the unknown owner of these cheeks, which don’t seem to be showing any tell-tale signs of redness or bruising.
But wait ’till Daddy gets home.