It’s always nice to write about someone new, especially when she’s young, fresh, talented and…normally quite demure. You won’t find any bikini shots of pop singer Duffy on the web (not yet anyway), and her stage costumes are modest and non-revealing.
Her biggest hit Mercy has this week been named the Song Of The Year in the Mojo Honours List 2008.
I was so intrigued by these pictures of her backstage at a festival, that I concocted my own little news story to go with them. It is, I stress, entirely made up.
Spanks a Lot! Singer Duffy Is Top of the HIT parade!
Pop singer Duffy has been pictured getting a sound SPANKING across the BACKSIDE from a burly security guard!
Minutes before taking the stage at Cheltenham’s Wychwood Festival, Welsh singing sensation Duffy bent over and touched her toes. Her balding minder then gave her half a dozen sound swats across her pert little derriere! The bizarre ritual was caught on camera by a photographer.
BEND OVER! Duffy assumes the position, as her minder barks out the order
Asked to explain the strange goings on, she said:
“I’m always really nervous before gigs, and I’ve tried all sorts of techniques to calm down – massage, meditation, you name it.
Then when I was in the US, I met Carly Simon. I went to one of her gigs – it was fantastic because she’s always been a big hero of mine. Afterwards we chatted backstage, and she told me about this great cure for stage fright – SPANKING !
Apparently, she gets spanked before every show!
She says it helps to take your mind off things because all you can think about is the stinging sensation in your bottom. She suggested that I gave it a try.
I wasn’t too sure at first, but when I was being led to the stage at Cheltenham, I was so nervous that I said to my minder who used to be a sergeant in the army:
‘Will you give me a good spanking?’
He didn’t need too much persuading! So he told me to bend over, and being a strong, fit guy, he really laid it on, and gave me six almighty wallops.
The former army sergeant soon had Duffy begging for MERCY!
I got quite a shock. I wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much. But sure enough, I completely forgot about my nerves. All I could think about was the tingling sensation, and how much I hated the guy for doing it so hard!”
After her unusual warm up, Duffy stormed the stage and really BELTED out her hits, with the appreciative festival crowd unaware that she was nursing two bright pink butt cheeks underneath her short summer dress.
(Bottom still sore?) Duffy accepts her Mojo award
At a press conference held after the singer collected her Mojo award last night, reporters were keen to bring up the incident.
“Is your bottom still sore? asked one, causing much laughter.
Another asked if she’d try getting spanked again. She replied,”Yeah, but I’ll make sure there aren’t any cameras around next time! Those pictures are SO embarrassing!”
This great picture shows American big band leader Lawrence Welk (1903-1982) spanking one of his singers, Jayne Walton.
Spanking the Champagne Lady: “I’ll put some fizz into your performance my girl…and your backside!”
Welk had his own Saturday night TV show, and whenever the orchestra played a polka or waltz, he would dance with the band’s female vocalist who was known as the “Champagne Lady”. Jayne Walton was his second Champagne Lady from from 1950-1955.
Jayne Walton: The “Duffy” of her Day
Perhaps this useful technique stretches back further into the history of popular music than we thought? Could a young Carly Simon have seen Jayne Walton’s spanking-enhanced appearances on the Lawrence Welk Show?
If so, let’s hope the tradition continues to be passed down from one generation to the next!