Category Archives: Brit Bot of the Week

Brit Bot of the Week

This Morning presenter Holly Willoughby has a full figure with cola bottle curves so when she wore a tight red dress today co-host Phillip Schofield couldn’t keep his hands off her. Holly, who had been learning how to make a pizza looked stunned as he grabbed her behind, but appeared to take it in good humour as Phillip later posted a picture of his handprints on his Twitter page. He accompanied the photo with the caption:

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Plain flour? @hollywills ? The temptation was just too much! 🙂

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The options in the poll are taken from Twitter comments:

Update 2013: Some pictures from an awards ceremony showing that Keith Lemon rates Holly’s bottom very highly too.

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And, talking of Keith Lemon, this is the recent F/M spanking that Holly dished out on his Celebrity Juice gameshow. Starts at 50 seconds.

The lady holding up the card is of course a former Brit Bot of the Week herself.

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Brit Bot of the Week

When Megan Fox was axed from the latest Transformers movie, there was speculation about no-nonsense director Michael Bay wanting to settle their dispute with a good ol’ fashioned spanking rather than firing her. Maybe he did both! What we do know for sure is that Bay replaced the sulking star with an English Victoria’s Secrets model who had a posh sounding name and zero acting experience. He then made the very first “establishing shot” of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley… a close up of her butt!


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I’m not sure what this establishes exactly apart from “this chick’s got a nice ass.” But the girl from Devonshire does indeed have a nice ass and is no stranger to proving it. This lingerie shoot showcases her bottom from a variety of different angles and poses.

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So while Megan is left standing in the naughty corner, Rosie is attracting a new army of Transformers fans. But is that bottom, as Bay seems to think, good enough to make up for her lack of acting skills?

Brit Bot of the Week

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50-year-old TV presenter Carol Vorderman has been voted the Rear of the Year. It was a controversial appointment because many thought the award should have gone to Pippa Middleton whose bottom caused such a sensation at the royal wedding.

Competition organiser Tony Edwards offered the following explanation:

There have been quite a lot of votes for Pippa over the period after the royal wedding, but it was less than six weeks from then to now and a lot of other stars had a lot of time to really ratchet up the votes.

The Lostinshowbiz blog suspected he was being economical with the truth however:

I’m afraid there is only one rear in town this year, and it belongs to headline-grabbing arriviste Pippa Middleton. Clearly, this presents some problems for organiser Tony Edwards, and I would have respected him had he said: “Look, we have to give this to someone who will turn up to receive it, wear the unflattering sponsored jeans, and look back cheekily over their shoulder for the classic photo. Pippa ain’t going to do it.

At least Carol was only too happy to do the honours, with Tony Edwards on safer ground when he explained why she deserved the title:

The bottom line, if you want to use that expression, is that if you Google Carol Vorderman’s bottom and stand back, there is a mass of websites dedicated to her rear assets.

His words certainly helped to increase traffic to this site as people tried out his suggestion to google Carol’s bum.

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In a 2009 interview Carol said:

We all have, in my family, what we call the ‘Vorderman bottom’ – a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It’s been a family joke all our lives.

I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs. From Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls to my new favourite by the Arctic Monkeys, Mardy Bum. It’s sod’s law that for half of my time on Countdown I had to stick my largest asset towards the camera as I bent down to grab all those numbers and letters – a BB please Carol!

And on accepting the award she said:

I always suspected there were a lot of people out there who were glad to see the back of me!

I’ve always been more than glad to see the back of Carol, and find it hard to believe she hasn’t won this before now, but what do you think?

Brit Bot of the Week – Lily Cole

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Since we’ve been talking about redheads this week, I thought we’d better have a ginger Brit Bot of the Week too, the first one so far, as it happens.

Lily Cole also ties in with last week’s Pirates post because she appeared in the Doctor Who episode The Curse of the Black Spot which was set on board a pirate ship. She played a “stroppy homicidal mermaid”, and while I’m not sure if mermaids actually have bottoms to spank, this one certainly needed some taming!

The 23 year-old student and supermodel first got a mention on The Spank Statement about four years ago when she played a schoolgirl in the St Trinians movie. Since then, unlike co-star Gemma Arterton, she’s kept her bottom comparatively under wraps and well out of the headlines.

She did do a Lolita themed spread for Playboy which included some nice pin-up shots of her small but perfectly formed posterior.

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And she appeared on the catwalk with Jean-Paul Gaultier in an outfit which seemed to be channeling both Emma Peel AND John Steed at the same time!

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Jean-Paul Gaultier has recently been attending to Lady Gaga’s backside but unfortunately on this occasion he didn’t use that crook handled brolly across Lily’s leather clad behind. The tight black jump suit certainly looked good from behind though.

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But it”s thanks to Harry for sending me pictures of the outstanding bottom moment of Lily Cole’s career so far. If anyone knows where these were taken I’d be glad for some more information. Clearly it’s a fashion show with Lily looking very demure and “butter wouldn’t melt” in a navy blue calf-length dress. It’s hard to imagine her ever playing a stroppy homicidal mermaid in the thumbnail image…

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But click on it to see Lily unleash her inner rebellious redhead attitude!

Game of Thrones

Esme Bianco - Game of ThronesShe was seen nude in the first episode of the HBO fantasy saga Game of Thrones, but Esme Bianco has some even more interesting previous acting experience.

The burlesque artist once made an arthouse spanking video!

In the short 2010 movie by Ruth Hogben, Esme spanks her friend Valeria with a variety of implements.

You can tell it’s art because it’s in black and white and slow motion…otherwise it would be porn…obviously.

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Called Buttocks by most websites, the correct title of the film is actually English. explains why:

To open the second week of our latest season of fashion film, our fashion body takes a distinctly sexual turn with filmmaker Ruth Hogben’s ‘English’ – a visual quest, it seems, to redefine our contemporary callipygian ideal. In layman’s terms?

Hogben’s film focusses on the buttocks, with the Rubenesque forms of two voluptuous Burlesque artistes her titillating anatomical subjects.

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And as for that title, it’s plucked from the fact that flagellation in all its forms was dubbed ‘the English vice’, with many a Victorian pornographic pamphlet to attest to the nation’s latent lust for a lashing. Why wasn’t this outlawed in a time of rampant Protestant puritanism? Outwardly prim and proper aristocrats and judges were too fond of spanking to give up the naughty habit!

There’s nothing latent about Esme Bianco’s lust for a lashing that’s for sure. She also popped up in some photos promoting a designer spanking paddle.

There was another British bottom on display in the first episode of Game of Thrones. Petite Emilia Clarke plays the last Targaryen princess, Daenerys, after replacing Tamzin Merchant who dropped out for unknown reasons. Dany is described as small of stature and very beautiful with silver hair, purple eyes…

…and a behind which “redefines the contemporary callipygian ideal” all on its own!

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So this week’s poll question is: what does HBO actually stand for?

The poll is now closed. See the poll results here.

Before her surprise appointment in GOT, Emilia Clarke had only appeared in one professional production – a single 2009 episode of the soap opera Doctors. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get the same treatment that Tracey Childs received in this show.


Update 2012: In Season Two of Game of Thrones we were treated to a spanking scene.

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In the episode Garden of Bones, cruel Joffrey finds two prostitutes in his chambers (an unnamed woman and Ros). The teenage king orders the pair to make out with each other, but when he realizes that his uncle Tyrion sent them, he commands Ros to spank the other woman. We get to see some hand spanking before a belt is suggested by Joffrey.

The scene progresses into ever more cruel forms of sexual sadism as Ros is forced to whip her companion and then beat her bloody with a stag-horned scepter, while Joffrey aims a crossbow at them both. Joffrey is getting back at Tyrion because he stopped him from beating up his betrothed, Sansa Stark, in a previous scene.

Chross has posted a number of download options to view the earlier parts of the scene here.

The scene with Sansa is in the Song of Fire and Ice series of books by George R.R. Martin on which Game of Thrones is based, but the follow up with the prostitutes is not.

According to this commentator:

In the book, that scene with Sansa was particularly disturbing because Joffrey had her stripped naked, but obviously, the HBO wouldn’t show 16-year-old actress Sophie Turner sans garments. So how did the writers portray Joffrey’s cruelty? They one-upped the book in a spectacular manner.

She adds:

Producers everywhere: If a woman plays a prostitute and is naked throughout an entire scene, her character deserves a name, damnit!

The unnamed prostitute is played by Maisie Dee whose previous credits include a stint as a spanking model for On her first day of filming she was given a trailer with the label ‘Nubile Whore’ written on it! Maisie has written a great blog post about her experiences working on the show, and it’s a story that ends happily too because her character eventually did come to get a name. Read the full story here.

Brit Bot of the Week

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This week’s Brit Bot comes to you by Royal Appointment! The story goes that, when she was at boarding school, Kate Middleton used to moon at boys from her dormitory window, and these bikini shots show that she’s still not at all bottom shy (although they were taken a few years ago).

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I won’t be watching her wedding to Prince William next Friday, but it’s not often you get a holiday thanks to the Brit Bot of the Week so Kate’s soon to be royal rump gets the thumbs up from me! 🙂

Much has been made of her ‘fairy tale’ rise from humble background to Princess. So how would you rank her bottom on the social scale?

Brit Bot of the Week

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As previously reported, Keira Knightley has always refused to bare her bottom on screen and forces her directors to use body doubles whenever rear nudity becomes unavoidable.

But wearing a figure-hugging motorcycle jump suit for a new perfume advert seems to have helped her overcome some of that shyness. All of a sudden, she’s quite happy for us to get a close up, low angle shot as she mounts her bike. That’s a close up, low-angle shot of the precious, over-protected little Knightley posterior! (The link takes you straight to the good bit of the ad and it’s well worth a look)

I say little and certainly “bootylicious” and “Keira Knightley” aren’t words that you’d ever expect to appear in the same sentence. The received opinion might be that her figure is too skinny but maybe now’s as good a time as any for some Knightley re-ASS-essment.

I can’t think of any particular reason why the 26 year old actress herself should be spanked but the characters she plays are often just asking to be taken in hand. So the question is simple:

Keira Knightley’s bottom might be fit to sell perfume, but is it fit to go across your knee?

If you’re still undecided after watching the Chanel ad, I’ve posted some bikini pictures on The Spank Statement Tumblr which might help to make up your mind. The link is on the right.

Brit Bot of the Week

Continuing the theme from the previous post I thought I’d make the Brit Bot of the Week a leggings special.

So step forward…Tulisa!

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The singer with North London band Ndubz was pictured in a tight pair of black leggings which proved see through when subjected to the scrutiny of the press pack and their flash bulbs.

Now’s your chance to make your feelings known on the quality of Tulisa’s Brit Bot not to mention the whole leggings for/against debate.

The last pop singing Brit Bot of the Week belonged to Eliza Doolittle (58% approval rating so far). On Eliza’s post, Tim added a great video of a concert that she gave in Spain. I haven’t had the time to check out Ndubz vids on Youtube etc. but if anyone has spotted Tulisa wearing a bottom-revealing stage costume anywhere online please let us know about it.

Brit Bot of the Week


The Brit Bot of the Week pretty much picks itself after Kelly Brook’s guest appearance in Skins as a fitness instructor in a tight body suit.

Kelly Brook is probably more famous for her bottom than anything else. She’s done bits and pieces of television presenting – usually with disastrous results (remember The Big Breakfast anyone?) and her most memorable contribution to the film Piranha was her red bikini – the lower half of which appeared on the poster.

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She’s also recently starred in an excellent ass-vertising campaign for Reebok Easytone trainers.

Out of all the pictures of her butt that are knocking around the internet one of my faves would have to be this pin-up style shot from last September’s Playboy. Kelly certainly bucks the trend for stick thin celebrities but is all the fuss about her ample rear justified…or not? Vote now.


Update March 2013: And here’s a picture of Kelly actually being spanked! She posted it on her own instagram account.

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And you can hear Kelly say the word “spanking” in this Brit Bot post which has also been updated.

Brit Bot of the Week

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Countdown’s Rachel Riley got in an early bid for the Rear of the Year title when she wore super tight RIDING JODPHURS for the first show of 2011.


Credit to matwifbob for doing a great job of editing and uploading the video to Youtube and Harry for sending me the link. I think the best views come around the four minute mark when she does the numbers but the whole thing is pretty mesmerising.