Category Archives: Past Times

Fairground Attractions

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Talking of ‘windy upskirts’ a reader has emailed me with some memories and some pictures too:

When growing up I used to go to the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen once or twice a year, and the thing I loved the most wasn’t all the carousels and stuff, it was standing outside the ghost train where wind blew up the skirts and dresses of girls and women. Some of them knew about it, but others were completely surprised and – boy, oh boy! – I loved seeing their underwear.

In the US, Coney Island is not only a beach for New Yorkers who can’t afford the Hamptons but is also an amusement park. Like so many others they had this thing blowing air from underneath lifting women’s skirts and dresses as they exited from the ghost train. But they also had an added attraction: two dwarves armed with wooden paddles who ran up to the women and gave their bottoms a fearful whack while their skirts or dresses were up!

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The Headmistress

Two drama students recreate French and Saunders’ 1990 sketch ‘The Headmistress’.

Martyn has been in touch to remind me of yet another connection between Dawn French and spanking. Along with her comedy partner Jennifer Saunders, she did a sketch set in an assembly at a girl’s school. Jennifer plays a cane-wielding megalomaniac headmistress and Dawn is Miss Barnes her deputy. The sketch never made it on to their TV show, but it was a part of their live tour in 1990 and recorded for DVD.

As the headmistress works herself up into a frenzy, she demands to see every single girl in the school in her office where she will “whip down their panties and smash some sense in to their bottoms!”

At this point, Miss Barnes asks: “Can I volunteer for that punishment too?!”

Miss DinesAn extra layer of interest is provided by the fact that Jennifer based the character on  Janet Dines,  her own headmistress from her 1970s schooldays.

Serious educational historians will be aware that in 1976 Miss Dines was prosecuted after she had caned a girl three times on the bottom for eating crisps during a maths lesson. The case was withdrawn and magistrates dismissed the charge after it emerged that the girl had a history of bad behaviour.

Martyn says the original French and Saunders clip used to be on Youtube but it’s been removed. Can anyone reupload it? The guy in the video above does a decent job and gets some laughs but he is more like a wicked witch complete with crooked nose. I am thinking Jennifer’s performance might be a little more nuanced.

Lessons From Lochgelly

In the aftermath of this summer’s riots in England, there were lots of calls for the return of corporal punishment. In this report from The One Show, screened when the street violence and looting was at its peak, even the BBC seems to be coming over a bit misty-eyed and nostalgic about the days when Scottish teachers beat pupils with a heavy leather belt known as a tawse. As author Ian Rankin puts it: “It sort of worked!”

Carol’s Conundrum

Following on from the current Brit Bot of the Week seems a good moment to post a clip from the days when Carol Vorderman was the Countdown girl.

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It’s a priceless exchange between Carol and co-host Des Lynam prompted by the word “canes” coming up on the letters board. Her little laugh right at the end says it all really.

When she appeared on Have I Got News for You, there was more joking (scripted this time) about her caning. You will notice a strange contradiction between the two clips. Hands or bottom – I don’t know if this has ever been explained, but the mystery doesn’t get in the way of a good excuse for some very grown up sniggering about Carol getting the cane. (“Whitely” is Richard Whiteley who presented the show with Carol for many years before his death in 2005.)

Greenwich Village Spank Time

The Pat Boone interview that I posted last week was edited together from two parts. They were used to top and tail the third episode of a BBC documentary called American Dream which covered the 1960s. In between Boone’s traditional values we got an account of alternative versions of the American Dream with lots of archive footage of hippie communes, religious cults, anti-capitalist street theatre and so forth.

According to the documentary, “the conflicting visions produced a divided America”. They also produced a lot of spankings! I’ve touched on this a few times before in previous posts about the 1960s as it’s clear that Pat Boone wasn’t a one off. Behind every 60s girl-next-door with dreams of being a centrefold, or hippie chick with flowers in her hair, there was a puritanical authority figure who thought that what she really needed was flames in her bottom!

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I was reminded of this yet again when watching the C4 drama Any Human Heart. Based on a novel by William Boyd, it follows the adventures of “serial ladies-man and self-confessed dreamer” Logan Mountstuart through his long roller-coaster life which stretches through most of the 20th Century from 1906 – 1991.

In last week’s episode, Our Hero finds himself in 1960s New York where he moves in with his (deceased) son’s former girlfriend. She’s an archetypal bourgeois value rejecting, free spirited nineteen-year-old called Monday who spends her days lounging around the apartment in the nude listening to Bob Dylan records.

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Monday is played by Lydia Wilson a fresh young talent with as pert a pair of bottom cheeks as you’re likely to have seen anywhere on screen this year.

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Lingerie students will also be delighted by the realistic undies on display here. Big yellow panties and off-white greying old bra… spot on!

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Unfortunately for Mount Stuart, he discovers that she’s lied about her age and is in fact only sixteen. Fearing arrest for statutory rape, he flees the country. That’s the last we see of Lydia Wilson (real age 26), though there’s a scene in which Monday’s strict father confronts Mount Stuart and tells him to go back to England in no uncertain terms!

Monday has run away from home on the West Coast to live in Greenwich Village and jump on the beatnik bandwagon. In my version of the story there would be a scene in which the outraged father confronts his daughter too. He would make sure she returns home with him of course, but first a long session with those big yellow panties at half mast would be required.

Having completed this strenuous task, he would make the tearful rebel stand with hands on head in the corner and her now very red bottom on display. He would then take the Bob Dylan L.P. that’s on the record player, break it into little pieces, and put on something nice and tuneful by Pat Boone before sitting down to light his pipe!

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While we’re on the subject of Any Human Heart, I might as well share another up and coming bot that made it’s screen debut in this drama. Holliday Grainger bared all for a sex scene in which Mount Stuart loses his virginity while a student at Oxford.

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Holliday Grainger in Any Human Heart

Holly (as she is sometimes known) will be in The Borgias on the Showtime channel in the US this spring, playing one of the naughtiest women in all history, Lucretia Borgia.

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Holliday Grainger in The Borgias

We’re pretty much guaranteed more nude scenes, but a spanking for Lucretia would be even better.

Pat Boone’s American Dream

This video is from a new documentary called American Dream that was shown on TV here last week. One of the contributors was Pat Boone the country singer who spanked his daughters well into their late teens.

I’ve uploaded the whole Boone interview but the on topic part, in which he is shown appearing on a chat show with Hugh Heffner, begins at 2.00.

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Anyone know who the attractive lady sitting next to Pat is?

Downton Abbey

“Her Laydyship’s big sore bottom” is a search term that was used by someone arriving on this site last week. Presumably the same person also tried his luck with “Her ladyship’s big sore arse” and “Her ladyship’s big sore bum”. It gave me a bit of a chuckle, and I was trying to find something that might interest this particular visitor (who is clearly someone after my own heart!).

I was struggling to think of much…until this week’s episode of costume drama Downton Abbey came to the rescue!

When Lady Sybil attends a political rally without permission, she gets a good telling off from her father at the dinner table. Back in the kitchen, the gleeful servants speculate about what punishment the headstrong Lady Sybil, the youngest of Lord Grantham’s three daughters, might be about to receive…

The visitor who was searching for oversized red aristocratic rumps probably ended up reading this post about a lingerie ad in which a Lady of the Manor spanks her naughty maids. If you watch the Downton Abbey clip to the end, you’ll see that the title of this earlier post is used in a line spoken by the housekeeper, and I’ve used it as the title of the above YouTube clip too.

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As you can see from the picture, the drama features a fine line up of naughty maids and plenty of severe butlers and housekeepers to keep an eagle eye on them. There’s definitely some latent gingerism going on in this production. Whilst the ladies of the house are all sexy blondes or sultry brunettes, the maids all seem to be played by redheads. A top candidate for a spanking is Daisy the scullery maid played by red-haired Sophie McShera (you can see her in the clip) who is constantly on the end of a tongue-lashing from the grumpy cook.

Another maid, Gwen, played by red-haired Rose Leslie, absconds to apply for another job. When trying to hitch a lift back on a horse and cart, she falls flat on her face in a puddle. Julian Fellowes’ script failed to follow through what happened when she returned to the house with her clothes all covered in mud, but a scenario something like this Brian Tarsis drawing (which I’ve used before) would have been just perfect.

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Strictly speaking, it should have been another smacked bottom for Lady Sybil too, because she helped Gwen in her illicit attempt to break free of a life in service.

The rebellious Lady Sybil is played by Jessica Brown-Findlay in her first major television role. She was named in Vanity Fair as “a new talent to watch” and has been tipped in Screen International as ‘the new Keira Knightley ‘.

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Heading the right way for a….

She is shortly to appear in a movie called Albatross: “A coming-of-age drama in which she takes the lead as a headstrong teenager with writing ambitions.”

Headstrong again! Yes she clearly is one to keep an eye on!

A Story From South Africa

To tie in with the start of the World Cup, here’s a tale from South Africa which was sent to me by a loyal reader .

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And may the best team win 🙂

I was in Johannesburg in 1992 and my boss told me to visit a certain store that sold everything connected to safaris. I always thought the store was called Safarics, but when I google the name today I find nothing. So maybe it was called something else, maybe it has gone out of business.

I wasn’t interested in safaris but as my boss told me to go I thought I had to, just to be able to say I was there and – “what a great store!”. He was right: the store was huge and filled with everything safaric. But that’s not what caught my eye.

In one part of the store I saw about fifteen-twenty canes. They didn’t look anything like the ones I’ve seen in England (and once bought one in Glasgow, along with a two-tailed tawse at a leather-store), they were darker, a little bit thicker but still extremely bendy.

I circled them for what seemed like an eternity before I finally decided to grab one and head for the cash register.

Two women worked the floor where the canes were, one coloured and one white, both fortyish, and the coloured one said:

“So, you’re going riding, sir?”

I didn’t know what to say but the white woman saved me, and said:

“He’s not going riding, don’t you know what that is? That is a cane.”

“Oh,” the other woman said.

There were two persons at the check-out, a man in his fifties who I believed was either the owner or the manager and a striking woman in her late twenties or early thirties. She had that European, Dutch, look: tall, blonde and blue-eyed, great legs and what looked like a stunning bottom underneath a summery cotton-dress. The man said:

“So, I see you’ve bought a little something for the boys, eh?”

“No…I don’t have any boys”, I said.

“A little something for the girls then. They can be just as troublesome, especially when they reach that age”, he said and winked. “Well, this will make them sit up and pay attention, or not sit at all, come to think of it. Nothing like a good caning for them, every now and then.”

I don’t know why I said I had no girls either. Instead I stuttered and made up a hilarious story of me being a private tutor for a couple of girls in the Dallas-area in Texas. I said:

“Their parents are all extremely rich, and those of English descent suggested corporal punishment, it’s still legal in Texas.”

“I see”, he said. “A good old-fashioned ‘six-of-the-best’, eh?”

“Something like that”, I said.

“How old are they?”

“The youngest one is sixteen, the oldest is eighteen. And to tell you the truth, some of them are lazy and extremely spoilt. But good canes are hard to get in The States, if you can get them at all”.

“Well, this is a really good cane”, he said. “Will this be the first time they are exposed to corporal punishment?”

“I think one of them got the cane while living in India (how did I come up with all those interesting facts?) but for the rest of them it will be the first time.”

“Well, as they say: better late than never.” He turned to the woman and said: “Can you wrap this up while I make out the receipt?”

She took the cane, bent it in the shape of an O, taped the ends together and placed it in a shopping-bag. As she put it on the desk she said:

“He is right, you know, it is a very good cane, I have tasted one quite a few times.”

I was speechless. The man looked up, and she said:

“I never told you this, but I used to hate this store. I came here when I was fifteen with my Dad, and he bought one just like this.”

There was a jar filled with candy at the desk and she said:

“You had the same sort of candy in those days, but there was an older woman working the register then…”

“Must have been Mrs Winston”, the man said.

“…and I must have looked glum because she said ‘You don’t look too happy, Honey, have some candy.’ And my Dad said, holding up the cane: ‘The reason she doesn’t look happy is because she knows she will taste this once we get home.’ But she gave me some candy and said: ‘Save this until later, and try to be good in the future’.”

Again, I was speechless. The man looked at her and said:

“And did you?”

“What?”

“Get to taste it?”

“Oh, yes! Even if I couldn’t see it then I guess I’d had it coming for quite some time, and there was no hesitating with my Dad, once home it was just…bend over, and six-of-the-best on the bare, and it hurt like – excuse the expression – bloody hell! I did not sit down comfortably for a couple of days.”

Finally I said something:

“And you became a good girl then?”

“Well, I tried to, but that cane…how should I say?…for a couple of years I got to taste it more than I wanted. At the time, I guess…as I said, I hated it, but I think the canings did me good, and I know I deserved them.”

She smiled. I smiled. The man smiled, handed me my receipt and said:

“There you go, I hope you will find the cane just as rewarding as my assistant does.”

As always…the thoughts, that woman bending over with bare bottom ten or twelve years earlier, talking about it now as if it was nothing, not knowing what it did to a mind like mine.

I never caught her name so I couldn’t call the store and ask for her, so I decided to go there and maybe ask her out for a coffee or something. I was there three times in the next two days but couldn’t see her through the windows and didn’t dare enter to ask for her. And then I had to leave Johannesburg. While peeping through the windows I also noticed they sold sjamboks, a whip supposedly made by stretching the penis of a hippopotamus. They were a lot more expensive than the canes.

I had the receipt for the cane for many years, but it’s now disappeared. It said, handwritten: “1 cane, 47 rand”.

I still have the cane, though, and have, over the years, used it a couple of times on different recipients. It is, without contest, my favourite.

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Allo Allo – Resistance Was Futile

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“The girls of the Folies Bergere in Paris are traditionally admired, feted and ogled. But when a pretty blonde dancer has a sound spanking back-stage it is a cause for shocked consternation all round. Especially when the dancer whose dignity was outraged is 35-year-old Lydia de Lipski newly awarded the Legion of Honour for her help to the Resistance during the war”.

Make no mistake Lydia de Lipski was a real heroine during the Second World War. Her Polish father organised a resistance group in Paris, after France was invaded by Germany and the teenage Lydia acted as a courier – a very dangerous job.

Eventually, she was betrayed and captured in 1941 and so began 4 years in a series of notorious concentration camps. She never revealed the names of her fellow resistance group members but was sent to Ravensbruk as a ‘political deportee’ (a capital crime) and was thrown into the death cell, only to be saved by the Swedish Red Cross in a prisoner exchange deal.

After the war, Lydia was convalescing in the Swiss alps where she fell in love with a painter called Ludovic de la Chapelle. She had a son with Ludovic but the couple split up and she found herself back in Paris with a child to support. As a child she had trained as a dancer, so Lydia changed her last name to Lova and joined the Folies Bergere – the famous Paris music hall.

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A Dressing Room at the Folies Bergere

Some years later at the age of 35, France recognised the brave resistance fighter and awarded her the Legion of Honour. Unfortunately her boyfriend at the time, M. Jean Lessage, couldn’t cope with the attention Lydia was receiving and grew tired of all the talk about the coveted medal.

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Eventually in a pique of jealously, he snapped and turned the lovely Lydia over his knee and spanked her soundly – so soundly, that she couldn’t sit down comfortably for several days.

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But in court, the judge didn’t see the funny side of his actions and fined M.Lessage £15 with damages of £22.10 shilling awarded to Lydia for her discomfort!

Credit: Thanks to Martyn for writing this Spank Statement.

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