Category Archives: Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models

Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – Eighties Edition

I suppose strictly speaking this isn’t a celebrity who wants to be a spanking model. More a nonentity who actually was a spanking model, who then went on to be famous.


Heather Mills, former wife of Paul McCartney, posed for this picture when she was a penniless 1980’s wannabe. But, twenty years on, it remains highly topical. And controversial.

Heather is currently engaged in open warfare with the press. She thinks they treat her unfairly, and one of the biggest bones of contention has been their description of her as a former porn model. She prefers the description ‘glamour’ model.

Perhaps ‘spanking model’ could be agreed upon as a compromise that would suit both parties. She certainly looks quite at home in the role. The tabloids could ditch her ‘Lady Mucca’ tag and change it to ‘Lady Wacca!’

But when is a former spanking model of the internet generation going to become world famous for something? It’s sure to happen one day, and what a field day the press would have then?

Bizarrely, Heather Mills was not the only wife of a former Beatle who wanted to be a spanking model in the 1980s. Barbara Bach is an American actress best-known as the Bond girl from the James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me (1977). She also happens to be the wife of Ringo Starr.

She did a shoot for a Playboy magazine, which, surely does make her a porn model:


Heather Mills’ pictures, on the other hand, were published in 1988 in a book entitled Sexual Secrets, the contents of which could perhaps be compared in style to that recent photo shoot that Maggie Gyllenhall did for underwear label Agent Provocateur. Sexy, but stylish pictures which flirt playfully with pornographic imagery.

Maggie Gyllenhall of course is one of the most respected actresses in the world, and not normally referred to as a porn star, in spite of the fact that she has also been genuinely spanked in a movie.

So perhaps poor persecuted Heather has a point.

Finally I don’t know the source of this image but it screams 1980s. Is it porn? Is it glamour?

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Let’s call it ‘art’.

Spanking Models Who Ought to Play Celebrities

In a twist on our normal theme of celebrities-who-want-to-be-spanking models, what if spanking models were to be cast in biopics of celebrities-who-have-been-spanked. Who would play who?

Beverly Bacci models for Punished Brats and is the girl behind Pixie on the Philly Edge magazine cover (See That’s Great News! 21.06.07). I think she would be ideal to play the teenage Debbie Boone in a film based on her life story.

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In her 1981 biography Debbie Boone: The Story So Far, Debbie, the eldest of the group of singing sisters, recalled the spankings which she received from her father, Pat, right up to the age of nineteen.

Spankings, especially from my father, were not just a perfunctory pat on the behind. He meant for us to remember them and used a slipper, belt, or anything else that stung. The number of whacks on our bare bottoms depended as much on our reaction to being caught as the offense itself. We could expect more if we had lied or talked back.”

Often with tears still fresh in our eyes, the four of us would go up to my room and compare war wounds. Bending over, we’d back up to the mirror to see whose backsides had the reddest marks. Mine were always the worst, mainly because I had the most sensitive skin.

Sounds like just the sort of domestic scenario in which Punished Brats excel to me. In fact, this picture already comes pretty close to recreating the scene described in the second paragraph above.


And Beverly does seem to have the worst marks!

And what about Amelia Jane Rutherford to play Estelle Skorknik?

In an interview in the Daily Mail, the French actress said:

School was like a prison to me and I couldn’t wait to leave. I was a shy girl, I had a real lack of confidence, school seemed to make me worse. My teacher was very strict. She once left our classroom for a few minutes so I went to the front and started imitating her – and she cane back and caught me, put me over her knee, pulled my knickers down, and smacked me in front of the whole class. It was very humiliating.

If this scene were to be brought to life, I think that A-J Rutherford would be perfectly cast as the elegant Skorknik.

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Although even The News of the World has so far stopped short of calling for Lindsey Lohan to be beheaded, if the tabloid press had been around in Tudor times, I’m sure that Lady Jane Grey would have received the same sort of headlines as Lindsey, Paris, Britney and co. And probably the same sort of interest from spank fans.

LadyJaneGreyDM 228x225Until recently, it was thought that no portrait had survived of the tragic nine-day Queen who was executed on the orders of Mary l. This miniature painting has now been identified as being of her.

You could say that she was the original spanked celebrity, since her own surviving letters describe the punishments that she received during her upbringing including a reference to “other practices too shameful to describe”.

This has been interpreted by historians as a reference to corporal punishment such as caning or birching on the bare bottom, which was a common practice at the time.

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The film Lady Jane(1986) showed a young Helena Bonham-Carter being punished in this manner. It is a scene that made a powerful impression on me. Realistic, ritualistic, severe, bare bottom – it ticked so many boxes.

But I think that Bailey of Real Spanking would make a more convincing Lady Jane Grey look-a-like than Helena Bonham-Carter ever did. Sign her up for the remake immediately.

Lady Jane Grey & Bailey

Finally, do you know who this is?

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It’s Juanita Carberry, the girl on whom the story of The Happy Valley is based. You will probably know that Holly Aird played her in the notorious TV production of the 1980s, in which there were four caning scenes. Who could play her in a remake? Well at the moment I’m thinking Nikki Flynn. It would certainly require someone with a high pain threshold to play this role. But perhaps you have better ideas?

AirdIn fact, they could do a lot worse than recast Holly Aird who may not be a spanking model, but is still looking gorgeous and highly spankable on our TV screens in Waking the Dead.

As I thought you would be interested to see, she still bares more than a passing resemblance to the teenage Miss Carberry, although she is now aged 38.

Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – No.4

Girl’s Aloud:

The dramatic shadows in this picture of pop group Girl’s Aloud, seem to add to the atmosphere – imagine the outline of a headmaster flexing his cane projected against that wall behind them. Whoever took this picture, certainly had our sort of fantasy in mind.

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Girl’s Aloud came to fame through the programme Pop Idol, in which they had to pass through a series of auditions before being chosen to be in the band. It would seem that they are now auditioning for Spank Idol(what a great show that would be?). Having successfully got through the first round, they moved on to the next – cameo appearances in the new St Trinian’s film:

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Unfortunately Nicola, the red-head, pictured on the left above, was caught on set chatting on her mobile phone when she should have been learning her lines. (See below)

As the rare final picture shows, not only was she ejected from Spank Idol after this round, but appropriately enough, sent back to obscurity with a very sore bottom.

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It’s well recorded that Girl’s Aloud aren’t permitted to cough without being told to by their management. Appealing to the repressed spanko impulse in society is clearly a shrewd marketing strategy. But it’s hardly original, because Tatu wrote the book for this sort of stuff in 2003, not to mention Britney Spears in the nineties.

Russian duo Tatu’s image was controversially based on spanking websites, provoking calls that their records should be banned. Here’s a good example of what I mean using the Philly Edge magazine cover that I wrote about yesterday as a nicely topical point of comparison.

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Funny that no-one seems to think that Girl’s Aloud or the St Trinians film should be banned for doing much the same thing. Was Tatu’s real crime that they weren’t western? Or perhaps, horror of horrors, up front and honest about what they were doing?

Of course, however many times Girl’s Aloud are photographed in these sorts of poses and uniforms, it’s all a tease, a knowing, ironic charade. We’re never really going to really see them get caned or punished are we?

Look at the knowing smirks and arch expressions in the top photo. Take Cheryl Cole (second from left) for example. She hardly looks like she’s about to face the music does she, more like she’s trying to seduce the cameraman.

Now contrast the look on her face with that in this picture.

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Here the pampered pop millionaire is about to appear in court on charges of assaulting a humble and impoverished black lavatory cleaner. (She was later found guilty).

Without much make-up, without cliché uniform, without clever lighting, without a middle-aged music mogul pulling strings on her arms and legs. She looks every inch the recalcitrant student who has been caught bullying, and is now on her way to the headmistress’s office for an appointment with the cane. In fact, what’s so great about this picture is that it shows a celebrity who doesn’t want to be a spanking model.

Finally, here’s a link to a brand new rear view of Cheryl in a bikini that I just found on Chross’ blog. (Thanks Chross!)

Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – No. 3

Billie Piper


After recieving six of the best, Piper was instructed to sit outside on the hard bench for the remainder of the lesson, and reflect upon her sins. No cushions allowed.

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Whilst appearing as the latest in a long line of highly provocative Doctor Who assistants, Ms. Piper still can’t resist pulling a few spanking model poses. This screen grab of a butt grab caught my eye. Don’t ask me what’s actually going on, but it looks like the Doctor’s patience has finally snapped.

Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – No. 2

Nell McAndrew

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Nell McAndrew is a z-list British celeb who started out as a model and has since tried to build up her career with appearances on reality shows, fitness vids, and the occasional attempt at spanking modelling.

The headmaster is of course the genuinely famous Chris Tarrant, presenter of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?. Here, he is attempting to turn Nell from a no-mark celeb into a very well-marked one, all in the name of advertising for a mobile phone company.

Rating: 10 out of 10

A Top Career’s Advisor writes: At last! You’ve found something you’re genuinely talented at! (Now can I have my cane back please.)

Celebrities Who Want To Be Spanking Models – Carmen Electra

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There’s celebrities who got spanked growing up, and there’s celebrities who got spanked in films or TV shows. But a third, and often overlooked, category is celebrities who have had a go, however briefly, at spanking modelling. Here’s Carmen Electra attempting to outdo Samantha Woodley, Nikki Flynn and co.

Rating: Excellent position, very tasty outfit – 8 out of 10

A top careers advisor writes: “Shows considerable promise. I’m sure plenty of companies would be interested if she decided to go full-time.”