Spanking New Role for Kathleen McDermott

Kathleen McDermott (on the right in this pic) is an up and coming Scottish actress who was in the 2002 film Morvern Callar, in which she starred with the equally young and talented Samantha Morton.

Now she is to appear in a controversial new Channel 4 comedy film written by Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) called Wedding Belles . It tells the story of four life-long friends in their late twenties as they prepare for a wedding in Edinburgh. She plays Shaz who works in an old people’s home and sells black-market Viagra to the residents.

Apparently there is a scene in which her character spanks a priest with a table tennis bat. Her description makes it sound quite explicit:

Brendan, the actor, and myself are both Catholics so it did feel a bit strange. But he wanted to make it as realistic as possible, so he kept on telling me really to go for it. By the end of the third take his backside was purple.”

Expect this to really hit the headlines when it is aired later this month. Let’s hope for two things though:

1. Channel 4 doesn’t “pull” the scene. Since the Celebrity Big Brother racism row they’re very sensitive to criticism, and recently scrapped a scheduled week of programmes about masturbation.
2. The tables are turned, and the Catholic priest uses the ping pong bat to teach Shaz a lesson about the sin of dealing drugs on the black market!

Caning Debate on TV

My Fear of Getting the Cane by Jenny Agutter

Channel 5’s The Wright Stuff debated the issue of caning last Friday. The debate was sparked by press reports that Coleen Nolan has said she wants to see the cane reintroduced to British schools – twenty years after it was banned. She was speaking in the wake of a new poll conducted by Mori which has shown that a majority of parents favour a return to corporal punishment. This story was also covered by The Daily Telegraph complete with many interesting comments. Coleen, who appears on the Loose Women show on ITV, says if a teacher gave her kids the cane she’d probably go in and shake their hand!

What fun host Matthew Wright had with two canes that he had been given as props! Brandishing them with relish at the start of the show, he told every one to be on their best behaviour or else! The guest panel consisted of Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, Len Goodman and actress Jenny Agutter.  When Jenny Agutter said she had trouble getting up in the morning after late nights in the theatre, Mathew picked up his cane and said “just think of this!” Jenny replied “yes, I’ll have to think of getting the cane!”

But why were there two canes on Matthew’s desk? He explained that they were genuine former school canes and that one was a junior cane, used on smaller children, and the other was for senior pupils.

Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman told a story about the time he received twelve strokes, an unusually large number, for stealing a bike and then lying about it. Not surprisingly, the majority of callers on the show were in favour of caning being reinstated. And our Len, undeterred by his own experiences, favoured bringing back the birch too. He was realistic enough to point out that it ain’t going to happen though.

As for the demure Jenny Agutter – smaller class sizes are the answer apparently. A harassed female teacher from Birmingham, who wanted to be able to use the cane, was less than impressed with her liberal arguments. Perhaps she could be persuaded to quit teaching and take a job as Ms Agutter’s personal assistant with special responsibility for getting her out of bed in the morning!

Pit Lane Girls

I don’t know why these Formula One Pit Lane girls are spanking each other, but there seems to be a bit more to it than just a stunt for the cameras. The two girls getting spanked have had to pull down their shorts first, so perhaps they were paying some kind of forfeit. Lets hope the blonde on the far right got round to delivering a swat or two after she’d done saying cheese. Cheerleaders from other sports please follow suit.

Tara Palmer-Tompkinson

Tara: I’ll Need a Good Spanking

Naughty It-Girl (do we still call her that?), Tara Palmer Tompkinson wants some discipline in the Fame Academy. She has vowed to be a rebellious student when she is locked inside the music school for the celebrity version of the reality show that starts on Saturday on BBC1.

According to a tabloid newspaper Tara, 35, said:

If Richard calls me in for a spanking, I won’t mind – but he’d better watch out. I want to be the one doing the spanking! I went to boarding school so I know what it’s like. . .

At this point as you can imagine I was on the edge of the seat. Was Tara about to tell us about some punishment that she received at boarding school. Unfortunately, she carried on “…being locked away for ages.”

Oh well, in addition to Tara, the show also features the lovely Blue Peter presenter Zoe Salmon. Let’s hope headmaster Richard Park takes up Tara’s challenge and introduces corporal punishment into the Fame Academy. It would certainly liven up the show which needs all the viewers it can get because it’s in aid of Comic Relief. Perhaps we could have some red bottoms instead of red noses this year!

Camille

As I have got older, I find that my tastes in music have broadened and I think I can say that I like pretty much any type of music really (although I’m not a big fan of emo or bagpipes). When some great tune happens to contain a lyric about spanking, then, well what more could you ask for? That’s why you should check out the song Ta Douleur by French singer Camille, (think Bjork meets Lily Allen in French) from her album Le Fil.

http://www.windishagency.com/mp3/camille.mp3

It’s a superb track, and I’m pretty sure that around the 1 minute and 8 second mark she sings the word “fessée”. Now, I was hopeless at French at school, but I know what that word means. And when it’s sung in a sexy french accent like that it sounds really hot. It also casts an interesting light on those slapping sounds which are used in the place of drums – perhaps they’re not hand claps! I just wish I could get the full meaning of what she is singing about. Is she talking of receiving or giving?

In this picture the face looks like it’s receiving and the hand looks like it’s giving! In any case this is one song you need to hear, even if your French is as poor as mine.

Venus

 And so, to the cinema, to see the new British movie Venus starring Leslie Philips and Peter O’Toole as old friends Ian and Maurice. They are fellow actors of the type who had decent careers while never breaking through to the big time. The pair spend their semi-retirement mulling over obituaries in the café, and bickering like husband and wife. Maurice is having trouble with his prostate and is reduced to playing corpses on TV (“typecasting,” jokes his ex-wife).

Their routine is disturbed by the arrival of Ian’s great-niece Jessie played by Jodie Whittaker, who comes to London from the north, ostensibly to care for her relative while searching for work. Ian, who expects a dutiful servant, is disappointed. She turns out to be surly, self-centered, idle, ignorant, foul mouthed and a prodigious drinker and smoker. Despite Jessie’s shortcomings, Maurice takes a shine to her and decides to undertake her education. Now doesn’t that sound just like the synopsis of a spanking porn film? Or at least a mainstream film that’s sure to have a spanking scene in it?

The excellent Jodie Whittaker, certainly goes straight to the top of my Most Spankable Celebrity 2007 list . Unfortunately, she does not get initiated into the Cinema Spanking Hall of Fame, in spite of almost every scene that she is in providing a potential provocation. This omission is all the more disappointing considering that O’Toole’s character is clearly a bottom worshipper, as he names Jessie ‘Venus’ after the famous painting by Velázquez in the National Gallery. This nude, by a painter who normally didn’t do nudes, features arguably the most beautiful bottom in all art.

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The scene in which the pair see the painting is pictured here.  O’Toole and Whittaker bounce off each other brilliantly, and it is actually appropriate and sweet when he nicknames her Venus, after the painting. As well as art, the script also plays with literature and pop culture (when Maurice quotes Shakespeare, Jessie counters with Kylie ). But my favourite moment is when O’Toole’s character quotes a poem by Philip Larkin which should be called something like “The Spanker’s Elegy”, but is actually called much more boringly, “Administration”:

Day by day your estimation clocks up

Who deserves a smile and who a frown,

And girls you have to tell to pull their socks up,

Are those whose pants you’d most like to pull down

Kinky Footballer

This example of computer generated art doesn’t come from a porn site or spanking magazine, but from a British national newspaper comic strip. It features a Footballer’s Wives type scenario in which David Beckham lookalike Ryan, is having a fling with his attractive agent, while his girlfriend is recovering in hospital from a car crash which he had caused. They clearly enjoy a bit of spanking role play – an interesting example of our kink gatecrashing mainstream culture. After all you don’t get much more mainstream at the moment than David Beckham .

Footballer’s Wives itself could do with using a storyline like this. Unless I’m mistaken, this show is written by the same team that wrote Bad Girls on which the excellent spanking web-site Bars and Stripes is based. Wouldn’t it be great to see the influence working the other way too!