This has to be a first – a celebrity spanking her OWN look-a-likey. Nicolette Sheridan seems to find her Desperate Housewives character as spankable as the rest of us in those red shorts. Is she trying to give the scriptwriters some ideas?
It happened backstage at Cracked Christmas 8 – a charity gala in Los Angeles. The grand prize for the annual fundraiser was a Desperate Housewives walk on role.
Just as well it wasn’t a sit down role!
Spanish speaking people have something in common with French speaking people – their word for spanking is derived from their word for buttocks. This removes any possible doubt about which part of the body is being struck. When a French or Spanish person threatens a spanking they are literally saying:
“I’m going to give you a good buttocking!”
I always think that “fesser”, the French word, sounds a bit hissy, but “nalgadas”, the Spanish one, is a good strong satisfying word to say. I also like the idea of a word that contains THREE whole syllables! I don’t know if it’s the correct way but Nal-GA!-das – with the emphasis in the middle sounds best.
In English, short words ending in ‘k’ tend to be “dirty” words. Keyword lists, even on non-kinky sex websites, usually include “spank” somewhere before the similar sounding “spunk” and “wank”. This has led to the word being appropriated by the porn industry in a way that you can’t imagine ever quite happening to fesser or nalgadas.
As a result, you rarely hear the word spanking used in radio-friendly popular song. There are one or two notable exceptions of which Madonna’s Hanky Panky is the most famous. Christine Aguilera also used it in a song on her Back to Basics album: (although this was during her “dirty” phase which rather proves my point)
oh no, oh there I go again
I need a spanking, ’cause I’ve been bad
so let my body do the talkin’
I’ll slip you that hot, sweet, sexy loving
I can’t think of any other famous examples, but if you turn to Spanish-speaking artists, there is a Columbian singer called Verónica Orozco who had a hit single in 2006 called Las Bragas, which means “Panties”
It uses the word nalgadas in a cute non-threatening kind of way that doesn’t frighten off the teenage girls who are presumably her target audience (whilst providing an unexpected thrill for their dads).
The word is the very last one in the song too, which places quite an emphasis on it.
Si de repente una noche me levanto a tu hermana
y amanece en mi cama,
con la boca pintada, toda desarreglada
y le doy tres nalgadas
Apparently, the song was considered quite controversial, not because of the spanking, but because it hints at lesbianism. I put the lyrics into an internet translator, but still couldn’t make much sense of them.
If suddenly one night I get up at your sister
and sunrise on my bed,
with their lips painted, any disorderly
and I three spanking
Hmm…
But, whatever it means, I do know it sounds pretty hot when sung in Spanish – especially followed, as it is, by Veronica’s sexy giggles.
I googled Veronica Orozco and found this picture of her SPANKING her teddy bear.
And another one of her as a schoolgirl sitting at a desk with her PANTIES around her ankles. (I’m sensing some repeating themes here!)
Is there a pop singer who could get away with an English language version of Las Bragas?
Katy Perry does seem to have a similar image. And after “I Kissed A Girl”, another song with lesbian overtones wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. But could she reclaim the word spanking and make it sound naughty not nasty? I’d like to hear her try.
Extra Trivia Note: Las Bragas is used as the theme tune of S.O.S.: Sexo y otros Secretos, a Mexican TV version of Sex and the City which is currently in it’s second season.
“It was a drama so ropey that there is only one exterior scene, where a wheel falls off a carriage as it’s going up a hill – and they didn’t even bother to reshoot it. The whole thing must have cost 14 shillings and sixpence!”
That was writer Peter Flannery talking about the 1980s drama By The Sword Divided in last Saturday’s Daily Telegraph. Surprisingly, it’s the only TV drama set in the English Civil War that has ever been made…until now.
Flannery’s The Devil’s Whore, is a new series which starts on Channel 4 tonight. It’s a tale set in the English Civil War about a fictional woman, Angelica Fanshawe, and it promises to be much better than the previous creaky old BBC drama.
Now By The Sword Divided might not have been up to much, but at least it had some c.p. in it. A father uses a cane to punish his daughter for refusing to marry his preferred choice of husband.
This is the same reason for which Helena Bonham-Carter was caned in Lady Jane. Unlike Lady Jane however, the caning is done over the skirts, and the outcome is very different too. The girl stoically bears seven strokes until the out of breath father gives in and accepts defeat. With fatherly pride, he then congratulates her on taking her punishment so bravely.
“You took your punishment well, like a Lacey.”
So that’s one TV series about the English Civil War, and one caning scene. Can this perfect 100 per cent record be maintained?
The early indications are quite promising. Angelica Fanshawe, the “Devil’s Whore”, is a strong-willed anti-monarchist whose character was developed from the confessions of women facing the gallows in 17th-century London for crimes such as robbery and prostitution.
She is played by Andrea Riseborough, who is best known for playing a young Margaret Thatcher in biopic The Long Road To Finchley. In other words, she is no stranger to playing strong, outspoken female leads.
According to the Telegraph article, she is feisty enough to be the fearless Angelica too: ” ‘Strong women like Angelica were ten-a-penny during that time,’ she asserts with a pout, when it’s suggested her character’s ballsy-ness isn’t quite what you’d expect of the period.”
Angelica Fanshawe has many lovers and we are promised plenty of fruity sex scenes and nudity. But will she meet her match in the shape of a man who will teach her a necessary lesson or two?
Skilled swordsman Sexby, who attaches himself to the Royalist cause before swapping sides, sounds like a likely candidate. He is described as a “a 17th century James Bond.” With the same sexist attitudes?
Riseborough says that she prepared for the role by trying on a variety of undergarments – one for each period in her character’s life, as she ages from 17 to 38.
“The knickers went from ones that made me feel youthful, to ones that felt saggy in all the wrong places for her older years!”
(The mind boggles at the thought of her using the same method for her role as Mrs T!)
Andrea Riseborough as Angelica Fanshawe
Apparently, the reason why there have been so few Civil War dramas in the past is because the Puritans are not seen as very “sexy”. Plus, no-one seems to know for sure which side were the goodies, which makes it awkward for scriptwriters.
Anyway let’s remind ourselves just how entertaining and rewarding for audiences the English Civil War can be, by viewing a scene from By The Sword Divided…and I don’t mean the one in which the wheel comes off the carriage!
Thanks to Mitch over at All Things Spanking for finding this picture of former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins being playfully spanked with a riding crop by supermodel Megan Gale at the Australian Derby Day.
The incident was televised (on Channel 7) apparently, and reports say that sales of the sparkly riding accessory have since gone through the roof.
Let’s hope their buyers put them to good use, and perhaps the fashion will catch on at other race meetings. That could make next year’s Royal Ascot, where the picture below was taken, a LOT more interesting.
Jennifer Hawkins also famously endured a very public humiliation due to this classic wardrobe malfunction a few years back. The girl just can’t seem to keep her bottom out of the news.
Viva Van Story is an erotic photographer whose work is influenced by the glamorous pin-up girls of yesteryear. Her pictures celebrate femininity as much as kinkiness. As her website says:
“There once was a time when images of women were filled with secrets and mystery, intrigue and enticement. A sideways glance, the trailing smoke of a slender cigarette, a whisper of danger on cherry red lips.
Photographer Viva Van Story takes us back to the days of gun molls and garters with her stunning collection of vintage-inspired imagery. Ms. Van Story eschews the modern-day trend of in-your-face sexual explicitness, instead harkening back to an era where tease and suggestion reigned supreme.”
Her gallery at vivaspinups.com is divided into four albums: Sex Kittens, Dragstrip Girl, Satan In High Heels, and Burlesque Starlets.
Sex Kittens is the most productive from a spanko viewpoint, but they’re all essential viewing with many beautifully rounded bottoms on display, and an impressive variety of scenarios and fetishes, all beautifully shot and accessorized in retro style.
The first two spanking pictures are set in a 1950s barber’s shop. The blonde models bare more than a passing resemblance to Marilyn Monroe and Gwen Stefani. (All images are clickable.)
There’s also a black and white shot of a model being threatened with a paddle.
And the same girl gets a great otk spanking complete with art deco style furnishings.
Finally, I also found this one which has an intriguing title:
“Bruised Bottom?”
These different forms of discipline all have much going for them as preliminaries or add ons to corporal punishment. And even on their own, you have to admit, they still have their charms.
Corner time is a punishment that many spanking fans also seem to appreciate. In this painting by Sassy Bottoms, the emphasis is very much on time. The hands of that pocket watch must be turning all too slowly for the red-bottomed young lady. I like the way she’s really IN that corner – nose to the wall. You can almost hear the watch ticking, accompanied by the rueful sound of muffled snuffling!
It’s kind of hard to explain the appeal of corner time in words but the picture below does it without the need for any. I don’t know the name of this particular model but I have heard some say that they actually enjoy corner time – a meditative type of thing I suppose.
Associated mainly with the schoolroom, the punishment of writing lines has a similar quiet yet timeless appeal.
I Will Not Chew Gum
These pictures are a bit “sexed up” but there’s nothing wrong with that. They all have a twist too. In the first two the model is doing the very thing that she has been made to write lines for in the first place.
I Will Not Talk In Class
I love the third one too in which the blonde has defiantly added “and still am” to the end of a row of “I’ve been a bad girls.” These naughty schoolgirls clearly deserve some extra punishment, as they just haven’t learned their lesson!
I’ve Been A Bad Girl
All great fun, but sometimes you long for something a bit more realistic.
Red Lines is a short (six minutes) British horror film in which a schoolgirl called Emily is put in after-school detention by her schoolmaster. Played by Kirsty Levett, it seems our heroine has a bad habit of running in the school hallways, so her punishment is to write lines:”I must not run.”
I Must Not Run
“I want to see that pad half-full by the time I come back,'” says Sir. “The sooner you start, the sooner you finish.’ Cue one of the naughtiest tongue-sticking-out moments you are likely to see.
The schoolmaster exits the room, leaving the girl to her repetitive task. The direction from Frazer Lee captures the claustrophobic and, for me, erotic atmosphere of the classroom perfectly.
Again, as with corner time, there’s something strangely arousing about the simple monotony of the punishment task that Emily is performing. You get some space and time to contemplate and build your own fantasy around what is about to happen. “I must not run, I must not run, I must not run…”
Red Lines (in spite of it’s very promising title!) turns out to be a grisly zombie horror rather than a caning movie, but you wouldn’t know it from the first couple of minutes or so.
Emily’s Dismay
But what if the punishment lines given were: “Mr Smith is going to cane my bare bottom for running.”?
When the teacher returns, to Emily’s dismay, he is carrying the dreaded implement. He waits for her to finish the page she is working on, in an increasingly trembling hand. Then he takes the pad from her and places it on his desk before administering the second part of her punishment. “Six strokes Emily, plus an extra one for sticking out your tongue” he says. (Yes Sir has eyes in the back of his head!)
Having marked his own “red lines” across Emily’s bottom he leaves, but not before placing her lines in the drawer of his desk where he keeps a souvenir collection! (In the film he actually keeps locks of hair!)
Enforced physical exercise is, I think, essentially a military punishment. Whether it’s running, push ups, or performing a menial task, it begs to be accompanied by a barking sergeant. The more attractive the miscreant, the louder he usually needs to bark!
Push ups have the bonus of being a “bottoms up in the air” kind of exercise!
“Gimme Thirty!”
Nude exercises add an extra dimension of humiliation, but an army uniform looks good too. I’m saving some of my military discipline pics for a separate post on the subject, so to finish here’s another cheeky lines pic.
I Must Not Chase The Boys
And an absolutely classic old school corner time moment.
Corner!
“IF SPANKIN GIRLS AND DRINKIN BOOZE IS BAD, I DONT WANNA BE GOOD!!!”
That’s the motto of Vegas carpenter and photographer Mike Mitchell also known as Booty Spankin Mike!!
His MySpace page has an album of pictures showing him spanking girls at all sorts of events, conventions, bars etc. They’re simple animated gifs comprising two shots – a before and after. Some great facial reactions are featured from some very pretty ladies.
Booty Spanking Mike – you are a hero!!
An Australian woman “old enough to know better” has been fined for flashing her BARE BUTTOCKS and SPANKING herself in front of a crowd of about 200 people at the Gold Coast Indy. But she denied claims by cops that she was not wearing any UNDERWEAR.
Lucinda Dorothy Dimond, 37, of Main Beach, pleaded guilty to public nuisance over her crowd-pleasing balcony performance on October 26.
She was wearing a short denim skirt and a revealing white top when she walked out on her balcony, turned her back to the crowd, pulled up her skirt and exposed her buttocks before ‘spanking it’. Police said it appeared she was not wearing any underwear.
“She performed this exhibition three times where she would re-enter her apartment and return to the balcony to expose her bare buttocks and spank herself,” said the police prosecutor Sgt Campbell who went on to administer a pretty severe (and ageist) spanking of his own:
“With the amount of public education regarding this nature of offending, it is very disappointing to see a relatively mature lady behaving in this manner, not once but three times effectively.”
And magistrate George Wilkie rubbed it in even more:
“I’d have thought you are a bit past this behaviour at your age,” he said, before fining the woman $400!
Ooh! that’s gotta hurt. If she were 21 years old would that be young enough to be excused?
See the embarrassed customer service worker’s picture and read the full story here.
Georgina Baillie the woman at the centre of a huge media scandal in the UK that has even kept the American election off the front pages for most of the past week has been revealed as a former spanking model.
She appeared in a (lesbian) spanking movie for California Star called Special Detention. The back cover lists the date of production as Feb 27th 2008, which suggests that Georgina’s move into the porn business is relatively recent. The model on the cover being caned on her bare bottom is recognisably her.
She is now known by the stage name Voluptua and is a member of a burlesque singing troupe called The Satanic Sluts. This is a picture of her making a Halloween night appearance with the group (far right).
The 23 year old covered herself with fake blood during the performance but those cane stripes look as though they’ve faded at least.
Six of the Best
In other news, the bikinied bottom of former St Trinians and Bond girl Gemma Arterton has made it’s debut before the paparazzi’s lenses. It’s small, high and enviably firm as you might expect. She was snapped in Morocco while taking a break from making a new film called Prince of Persia.
Not Special Detention 2…unfortunately!
Talking of hype, when Mary Louise Parker was spanked in an episode of Showtime’s Weeds this summer, the message boards and blogs went into overdrive. It was an international spanking sensation! Most people seemed to agree that it was a great scene – perhaps the best EVER in a TV show. But now the dust has settled and the hype has died down, does it still stand up? Let’s take a closer look.
This publicity shot showing Mary Louise butt-naked whilst cradling a python is a good place to start. It makes it clear what the star attraction of this show is going to be – and I don’t mean snakes! And what is the name of her character? Nancy BOT-win – clearly some interesting signals are being sent out here!
And the signals just kept getting stronger and stronger.
Nancy is a recently widowed mother of two living in an affluent suburb near Los Angeles. She makes ends meet by selling marijuana, often with disastrous consequences including (at the end of series 3) burning down her house. Series 4 sees Nancy relocate her family to the fictional border town of Ran Mar. She is told to run a maternity store used as a front to disguise a back room tunnel that runs to Mexico, in order to facilitate drug trafficking.
At the end of episode 5 (first aired July 14th) clips were shown of the next episode:
Nancy is asking too many questions of Esteban Reyes (Demián Bichir), who is the local mayor and the kingpin of the drug cartel for which she is now working. The very last clip contained the following dialogue:
Esteban: “What would it take to make you stop?”
Nancy: “Answers?”
Esteban: “How about a spanking?”
Now that’s what I call a cliff hanger!
In Episode 6, Esteban continued to threaten to spank her, and then finally, the previews for the next episode clearly showed him forcibly putting Nancy over his knee and delivering one swat before it faded out.
So this wasn’t just a spanking scene, but a spanking storyline stretched over three separate episodes with teaser trailers each week! By now Showtime viewers (not to mention internet kinksters the world over) were on the edge of their seats waiting to see the full uncut version of Mary Louise Parker’s bottom warming. Would it live up to expectations?
On July 28th 2008 episode 7 first aired:
Nancy and Esteban are seen in the back of a limo. Nancy is winding up her boss again and asks him to give her “a piece of the next Weeds shipment.” Big mistake! This is the opportunity he has been waiting for, and in the back of a car there’s nowhere to run!
Grasping her right arm with his, Bichir pulls Parker across his knee in a manoevre which in freeze frame looks almost balletic. His left arm in the small of her back then makes sure she goes fully across.
Swan Lake!
The view cuts to a side-on camera, and we can see the shocked expression on the face of a mature woman who has just realised she is about to be treated like a naughty little girl.
Hey, I’m 43 you know!
Once her head is right down over his knee, we cut back to a full-on view. She is wearing a short, backless summer dress. Surely he won’t lift it up and bare her bottom…
YES!
Black Lacy Panties!!
The spanking begins in earnest. The first three blows are not shown landing – instead there is a close up of Bechir’s face. It is contorted with suppressed anger and the determination to make sure he does this job properly! He swings his arm in as wide an arc as is possible in such a confined space.
The camera pulls back and we see spank nos. 4 – 6 land fully and squarely on her left cheek.
Pancake shot!
Cutting back to the side-on camera, Nancy conveniently lifts her head up so we can see her face looking shocked and then wincing in pain. An audible intake of breath is heard as the sting from blows 7 – 12 start to bite.
No 11 was a real stinger!
As the spanks continue to rain down on her unprotected lower buttocks, she attempts to free herself by wrapping her right arm around Bechir’s neck and raising her body. But he re-adjusts his weight and forces her back down.
Get out of my face!
Increasingly desperate to escape, she tries kicking her legs instead but only succeeds in sticking her bottom up even more! Bechir continues to spank the now fully exposed seat of her panties as hard as he can until she lets out a deep-throated grunt of which Maria Sharapova would have been proud.
Wow!
After 20 plus spanks have landed, he picks her up off his lap and dumps her uncerimoniously back into her seat. Her face is a picture of female bewilderment, hurt, and humiliation.
The lady is leaving (with a red bottom).
Bechir adjusts his jacket and smooths down his hair. The door of the car is opened, and there is a nice final ironically submissive touch as Nancy says “Thank you Mr. Mayor!”
Of course it wasn’t long before Chross posted the scene – July 29th (the next day!) in fact, whilst still “half asleep!”. His posting produced many wonderful appreciative comments including this one from Dan N: (who knows a thing or two about Cinema Swats)
I am dumbfounded. No, I did not expect anything of this quality. Not after the U.S. film and TV studios have stiffed us on spanking scenes these past forty years. The most recent spanking in a major feature film that I can compare to this is the Patrick Bergin-Sean Young fireworks, in “Love Crimes” (1992).
This Demian Bichir-Mary Louise Parker spanking is even better, because while Sean Young modestly took her swats (23 of them) on the seat of her jeans, MLP did the unthinkable: She allowed the spanker to RAISE HER SKIRT, and spank her on her panties!
Of course that’s what we are used to, in spanko world. But not on mainstream TV. This is the first film or TV spanking I have seen, where the swats do not fall on the lady’s outerwear. THIS, my friends, is a seminal moment in TV.
God bless Mary-Louise Parker! God bless the producers of “Weeds!” This is a scene we collectors will treasure, forever.
And it didn’t end there. No, there was even more to come. So stay tuned and I will write another post about the remarkable follow up scenes and also take a look at the life and career of Mary Louise Parker.
The Spank Statement 