It’s the London Marathon today, and I certainly admire the many fun runners who are attempting to raise money for charity in the unseasonably warm weather.
Let’s hope for a cool and overcast day in London on Sunday, 3rd June, when a group of 20 girls from different spanking clubs all over the UK, will be taking part in the annual 5k Race for Life for Cancer Research . Visit their website to find out more about it, and how to support this excellent cause.
I hope you were all paying attention yesterday and read through to the end of Corporal Punishment Party, where I promised to post this picture of photographer Julie Cook’s painful appointment with the cane. I say painful because, although she appears to be putting on a brave face for the camera here as the stroke lands, the sting from a cane can take several seconds to be fully felt.
That’s when the mood changed and the smirk was truly wiped off Julie’s face. In shock, she immediately accused Mr XX of doing it “too hard”. With watering eyes and an angry red weal developing across her plump bottom, Julie became “annoyed” – which probably means she stropped off to the ladies to inspect the damage and sulk for the rest of the afternoon.
I don’t know what you think about this. Mr XX – hero or villain?
Maybe you think he should have just given her a playful tap? Or perhaps it was no more than a regular stroke, and she overreacted?
On the other hand, maybe he couldn’t believe his luck when the attractive red-head presented her derriere for the attentions of his cane. A member of the press too. He suspected that they were going to do a News of the World style stitch up on him anyway. Visions of all those negative headlines about spanking colonels and perverted Tory MPs started flashing through his mind, and he decided to deliver a full-force pre-emptive strike on behalf of the spanking community.
This is an article from Bizarre magazine (2001), written by John Moore. The full headline was ‘smack addicts.’
I arrive at the secret location not knowing what to expect. I’ve been told it’s a lunch where the diners get to spank the staff. If, like me, you have often felt the urge to whack a waitress, this was an opportunity too good to miss.
I’ve arranged to meet Julie, Bizarre’s photographer, in the lobby prior to going in. As I wait nervously and watch the procession of casually dressed men negotiating the staircase, it occurs to me that perhaps I’m in the wrong place. Surely sexual deviants didn’t wear paper name-badges stuck to their jumpers? It’s only the arrival of a corpulent, Savile Row-suited Rumpole of the Bailey type that satisfies my mental picture. He shakes the hand of a young woman who has wandered out. “I hope you’ve got a high pain threshold today, my dear, he growls, his voice a thick syrup of privilege and depravity. Next comes a man who looks so much like Norman Mailer that I’m tempted to ask if he’s researching the great American novel or the English spanking scene.
He pays the £150 entrance fee and goes inside.
Presently, photographer Julie arrives, and we prepare to get to work on some serious pant-dropping.
Josie Harrison Marks is an attractive, 30something, Jewish cockney, and daughter of the legendary George Harrison Marks. She’s also the publisher of top UK spanking mag Kane and the reason I’m here. Josie comes out to fetch us, telling the doorman we’re “kosher” and introduces us to her partners.
Mr X and Mr XX seem rather nervous about letting journalists witness their event, possibly mistaking Bizarre for the News of the World, and me for somebody of high morals. Josie explains to them it’s not illegal and besides, they’re intending to expand their business and make a legitimate fortune, just like lapdancing bars. Nonetheless, Mr XX can’t resist hinting at the possibility of a bit of good old-fashioned brutality if we stich them up.
At the far end of the room a circle of chairs has been laid out. Thirty-four ‘businessmen’ stand chatting and helping themselves to drinks and nibbles, just like any other business meeting. Among them are several girls wearing not much. I am chatting amiably with Josie, who is mid-conversation when suddenly I hear what I assume is a round of applause. I spin round to look and see the men now seated, busily spanking the girl’s bottoms. It’s on.
The event is refereed by Mr XX with a policeman’s whistle. After a minute, he blows his whistle. The girls say, “Thank you, sir” and move to the next man. This goes on until each man has spanked each girl. It looks like a group activity session in an old people’s home and sounds like a fireworks display.
Round two is similar, except this time the men use paddles to beat the girls’ reddening buttocks. Casting a quick glance around the room, there are no obvious erections. But then, perhaps this is unsurprising considering the age of most of the spankers. One man, looking like Godfrey from Dad’s Army, is barely able to control his shaking hand as he tries to make contact with a pert young derriere. It’s a revelation to see such an old dog up to new tricks.
After round two we stop for lunch. Again, everything is perfectly regimented. The men stand in line patiently awaiting their food.
This morning, I had suspected my theory that CP only appeals to public schoolboys was an oversimplification, but now I am starting to think I was right. Each man I speak to has been to public school. They explain that as younger boys they were regularly beaten by older boys and masters. As they got older, it was they who did the beating. Only one of them appears in the slightest bit sadistic – a newcomer who after a quiet word from Mr XX, looks worried. Everyone is at great pains to point out that nobody gets hurt. The girls enjoy it and are well paid. They lead conventional lives. They don’t spank their children. It is all very British.
After lunch, round three begins. This is more serious. Three chairs are placed in a circle – ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’. The girls bend over the chairs and receive one stroke of the cane from each man at each chair. In no time, I’ve had a little to drink and am quite blase. So what if I’m sitting in a room staring at pretty girl’s bottoms being spanked.
I need to interview them. What can I ask? “How does your bottom feel?” “Do you enjoy it? “Did your father beat you?” “How do you get rid of the marks?” “Will you cane me?” So that’s exactly what I do ask.
The girls I spoke to either enjoy it or don’t mind it. Unlike the public schoolboys, none were the victim of a brutal regime. Most had started as glamour models. Some had actively sought the spanking scene out. Their bums do feel sore but it only lasts a few hours, and arnica cream gets rid of the marks. I had half expected the girls would be junkies and crackheads, and the whole event would be depressing. Nothing could be further from the truth. The girls ran from pretty to gorgeous, and the only drug they are addicted to is the kind that gets you spanked.
They are funny. “You should feel the heat coming off my bum. You could power the national grid off it,” giggles one.
“I feel great on the train back to Hastings surrounded by businessmen who don’t know what I’ve been up to. I read my book and wonder if it’s hot in here or if it’s just me,” smiles another.
As the afternoon wears on, things degenerate slightly. Our photographer Julie gets a stroke of the cane from Mr XX so she knows how it feels, but he does it too hard and annoys her.
For the grand finale, the girls decide that “the journalist must be punished”. It would seem churlish to chicken out and, not having been to public school, I’m curious to find out how it feels. Not having time to stuff the Beano annual down my trousers, I take seven of the best from seven almost naked ladies. One, three, five and seven are pleasurable. Two, four and six make my eyes water, but I’m determined to finish – an attack of bulldog spirit. Plus, of course, the film If… has been on TV recently.
I’ve been trying to sell my arse for rock ‘n’ roll for years, but I never thought I’d sell it for journalism. As they say in the News of the World, “I make my excuses and leave.”
*******
Quite a fair and balanced report on the whole I think you will agree. The bit that intrigued me though was the reference to photographer Julie getting a stroke of the cane that was too hard.
I’ve done a bit of research and discovered that the photographer in question was Julie Cook who has taken many of Bizarre’s cover shots in addition to having her own exhibitions etc. She has a website on which I found this picture of her :
Wanna see a picture of Julie’s caning?
Read The Spank Statement tomorrow.
Amora – billed as the world’s first visitor attraction devoted to love, sex, and relationships – opens in London tomorrow.
In the Fantasy & Fetish Room, they invite you to leave any inhibitions behind and open your eyes to bondage and other sexual games. One of the exhibits is a model of a man (of course) bending over. You are invited to spank him with a paddle. A spankometer with flashing lights shows how hard you have hit him, like a fairground test-your-strength machine. Apparently the ‘educational’ aim is to teach people how hard to spank so it hurts, without going too far.
At least this sounds like a genuine spankometer, and not a device which goes by the same name on some gadget websites, that is actually intended to measure wrist movement during masturbation!
Further details about the new “academy for sex and relationships” available at www.amoralondon.com.
How about this for a Fantasy Spanking Top 10, as brought to us by the discerning customers of Gorgeous the plus-size range at Debenham’s?. Their poll, to find the UK’s favourite “Big and Beautiful” celeb, is one that I suspect will be appreciated by many readers of this blog.
Fern Britten
Nigella Lawson
Dawn French
Jessie Wallace
Liza Tarbuck
Kirsty Allsopp
Jennifer Hudson
Coleen Nolan
Kelly Osbourne
Beth Ditto
Interesting to note that two of this list have already featured on The Spank Statement (Beth Ditto and Coleen Nolan). And I am certainly happy to honour the other eight too.
Winner Fern Britten, who describes herself as a “jolly size 16” admits her diets never work. I think she is a great example of a sexy, curvy lady. Hollywood A-listers and other “miserable size zero’s” please take note.
Fully occupying that all important No 4 position – Jessie Wallace (Eastenders).
Here’s are a couple of my favourite Kiss Me Kate pictures. The first is a NEW one that I think will be unfamiliar to you (click to enlarge). It’s taken at a rehearsal so, instead of the normal period dress, we get the cast in casual clothes. I bet they had to rehearse this particular scene over and over again, just to make sure they got it right.
I like the expressions on the faces of the onlookers, especially the dark- haired lady third from the right. How would you describe it? Bashful? She looks as though she is thinking “Thank God I didn’t get the lead in this!”
The second is unusual in that Kate’s dress has been raised revealing a formidable pair of bloomers. It looks like a real, serious punishment is taking place here.
Oh, I’ve seen pictures of myself and I’ve been like: “Oh my God!” Especially when I’ve forgotten to wear shorts underneath and then the photographers purposefully go underneath you. It’s not nice to see your bum in the newspaper.
Of course we have to beg to differ. Do I detect some hypocrisy in this comment however? Did she really “forget” her shorts? Or was she deliberately flashing that bottom in front of the photographers?
On a similar note, she wore this t-shirt with the slogan “Tears for Spears” at a gig in London recently. Was she genuinely showing her support for troubled Britney Spears? Or did she think this would be the best way of getting her picture in the newspapers?
I’m not sure about the effectiveness of that slogan anyway. There are those who have long agreed with the sentiment – but in a rather different way from that intended!
Tears for self-publicising, hypocritical pop stars too!
I knocked on the Headmistress’s door. She opened it in gown and mortar-board and ushered me in. It smelt like a schoolroom. A mixture of musty books, sweaty little boys and chalk. As my eyes darted about the room I avoided paying undue attention to Miss Prim’s rod rack. The woman had a frightening arsenal at her disposal.
‘Sit down, Churchill!’ she commanded, the softly spoken voice completely gone.
‘How old are you girl?’
‘Do you mean real or pretend. Miss Prim?’
‘Well, what age do you think you are girl?’ Miss Prim was losing her patience already.
‘Fourteen.’ God, the waist band on my pleated skirt was tight.
Miss Prim then asked me to stand so that she could give my uniform the once over. She skimmed over the griffin logo on my blouse without a word. All seemed to be going well but then she asked to see if I was wearing my regulation blue knickers. Unfortunately, Oxfam had been all out and I was wearing a white tanga. I had barely lifted my skirt and I was straight over her knee, tanga down and six of the best with the palm of her hand.
‘Pax’ I wanted to say but it came out as, ‘Thank you. Miss Prim,
‘Do you know why you’ve been sent to this school?’ asked the headmistress, completely unflustered from her exertions.
‘Because I’ve been a bad girl, Miss Prim.’
‘Yes, and do you know what corporal punishment is?’
Illegal? ‘Caning, Miss’
‘It’s more than that, Churchill, it is any punishment of a physical nature. You will learn discipline here as well as humiliation,’ she told me, sternly.
I felt a surge of defiance. Her cane could not humiliate me any more than the beret had done already.
There’s celebrities who got spanked growing up, and there’s celebrities who got spanked in films or TV shows. But a third, and often overlooked, category is celebrities who have had a go, however briefly, at spanking modelling. Here’s Carmen Electra attempting to outdo Samantha Woodley, Nikki Flynn and co.
Rating: Excellent position, very tasty outfit – 8 out of 10
A top careers advisor writes: “Shows considerable promise. I’m sure plenty of companies would be interested if she decided to go full-time.”
Back on 28th March I wrote about Hotel Babylon which stars the lovely Tamzin Outhwaite. I have received the following comment from Sir Vice Anglais that I think is well worth posting separately:
A couple of weeks ago I went to see a revival of the play Boeing Boeing. One of the four female leads is Tamzin Outhwaite, who plays a TWA air-hostess. I am pleased to report that during the course of the action she receives one very hard smack on her very cute bottom. So at the time of writing the lovely Tamzin is getting her bottom smacked 6 times a week (lucky male actor)
Although the play was written 40 years ago it is still a very funny farce and well worth the price of a ticket with or without Tamzin’s spanking. For those who would like to see Boeing Boeing it is on at The Comedy Theatre, Panton Street London.
You can’t beat a good old-fashioned French farce, especially if laced with a bit of top celebrity spanking action. A review of the play and a picture of Ms Outhwaite in her air-hostess uniform can be seen here: www.thisislondon.co.uk/theatre/show-23361364-details/Boeing-Boeing/showReview.do?reviewId=23385757
The Spank Statement 
