What Top Celebrities Really Think About Their Bottoms – BUM-per Edition

Some Spank Statement favourites have been chatting away about their bottoms recently, and you’ll be glad to know that I was busy taking notes. But first let’s welcome someone who shouldn’t need any introduction, and yet surprisingly has so far not featured on this blog at all:

 

Jennifer Lopez:

“If they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot.”

This quote should be in every dictionary of quotations. After all, J-Lo is credited with bringing the bottom back into fashion after years in the boob-obsessed wilderness.

Some time in the nineties it at last became OK for men to admit to liking butts, and OK for women to have one too – even a large one. Girls with small behinds were even getting implants to give themselves a more curvaceous shape just like their heroine Jennifer. Happy days.

But times have moved on and what sort of bottom are women aspiring too now?

A clue might be provided by this newspaper report about Desperate Housewives star, and recent top celebrity bottom-flasher,

Eva Longoria:

“Desperate Housewives beauty Eva Longoria yesterday revealed she has added an inch of muscle to her bum in just two months. The actress, 31, credited personal trainer Patrick Murphy for her toned behind. She said:

“With all the lunges, squats and leg presses, I’ve gained an inch of muscle in my butt.”

No wonder she’s been so keen to show it off! Her personal trainer certainly has a great job, and it’s interesting to hear her talking about adding muscle. In other words the larger more prominent bum is still in, but it should be well toned and muscly rather than rounded or flabby.

Keeley Hazell

She is a British model who came second in the FHM Sexiest Woman poll behind Jessica Alba. (She won the Australian version).

There is a picture of her grabbing her behind in my post Ouch! That Hurts (03.07.07) . Keeley is known for her large chest, and the bum-grabbing pose was quite a departure for her. But after the shoot she was less than happy with the result:

“After I saw the picture of me grabbing my bum in Z00 magazine, I really wished I’d got more back there to get hold of.”

A stiff work out with Mr Murphy is called for perhaps, and then not only will there be more to grab, but more to spank too. Which would be handy if she’s going to keep pulling provocative poses like this one.

Drea de Matteo:

Of course, there’s such a thing as having too much to grab, and Drea de Matteo, Adriana from The Sopranos, who featured in Joey, the Sopranos Actress & The Spanking (07.05.07) is currently pregnant and says:

“I feel like I’m carrying the baby in my ass, it’s so big.”

Sounds like more work for Hollywood’s personal trainers after she’s had the baby. That’s if she wants to keep up with the trend set by Eva Longoria and others such as this model who, believe it or not, is an exhibit in an art gallery by performance artist Vanessa Beecroft. The model has, I think, a fine example of a defined and ‘muscly’ bottom. (click to enlarge) A work of art indeed.

Coming soon: What Cameron Diaz Really Thinks About Her Bottom .

Harry Potter Hype

The new Harry Potter film Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix opens in UK cinemas today and it’s young stars seem to be everywhere you look.

But these days they’re not so young any more. Emma Watson , who plays Harry Potter’s sidekick Hermione Grainger, is certainly looking all grown up in this picture on the cover of the Daily Mail’s You Magazine. According to top celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, she’s even tipped to take over from Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton in terms of gossip column inches and paparazzi pulling power.

I’d be very interested to know if she read the Daily Mail interview herself in order to check out what was written about her. Perhaps she then, in an idle moment, flicked through the rest of the magazine, and having alighted upon the problems page, started reading that too, like you do.

If so, I’d like to know her reaction to the letter entitled He spanked me in front of our friends.

A blush perhaps? A nervous titter? Or, who knows, maybe a confused feeling of…arousal? The letter is almost certainly a fake of course, if not written by a male spanking fan, then made up by the newspaper itself.

But that simply allows us to put any po-faced concerns about non-consensuality aside and view this for what it is; a fun piece of undercover spanking-fantasy porn. Just like those famous letters to the Englishwoman’s Domestic Magazine, not to mention countless other examples of this sort of thing down the years.

If it is intended to titillate, then I can’t help wondering if that’s the effect that it had on Miss Watson or anyone else who happened upon it.

It’s the sort of thing that can lead to a sexual awakening about being into a fetish. I’m sure many of us can remember stumbling across something like this at an early age, and realising for the first time that spanking was something…special.

Harry Potter hype is at such a fever pitch that Emma Watson going to the shops is currently deemed newsworthy, as can be seen from these pictures of her in L.A.’s Kitson boutique.

But after she’d finished her muffin look at what caught her attention.

Now that expression on her face surely suggests that she’s thinking: “Hmm…I wonder if I wear these it might encourage my boyfriend to put me across his knee.”

Coincidence?

I think not.

In this facial reaction shot, taken after she’d left the store, it looks like someone has already given her an unexpected swat across the behind. If so, it didn’t take long for those ‘Here Comes Trouble’ panties to have the desired effect. Magic almost.

The Williams Sisters

I’ve had a comment from a reader who was disappointed that my post Wimbledon-Some Brief News failed to make any mention of the Williams sisters. Although they’re not to everyone’s taste, I have to admit that this is a fair criticism. They’ve contributed greatly to the um…scenery at Wimbledon in recent years.

Had I realised just how many folks were going to visit this blog to read the post, I might have made it a bit longer, in which case they would have been included.

Wimbledon might be over now, but since I like to give my readers what they want (and women tennis player’s bottoms seem pretty high on your list), here’s four pictures of Serena Williams showing an absoluely awesome butt crack above the top of her jeans. Her body shape was just made for this fashion trend. In fact she doesn’t even need to wear low-cut jeans in order to pull it off! (Click to enlarge)

The other picture also happens to be of Serena. It shows a controversial incident from this year’s tournament when she was injured whilst playing Daniella Hantuchova (I didn’t mention her either!). It provided a great excuse for the photographers to zoom in on her underwear, as if they needed one. But she was accused in some quarters of faking this injury.

I don’t really have an opinion on the injury, fake or not, but what I think we can all agree on is that Serena has a 100%, totally genuine, bona fide….ASS!

The Grass Harp Part Two

In this extract from the novel The Grass Harp by Truman Capote, we find out what happened to the ‘soulful and shadowy’ sixteen year old Elizabeth Henderson, her sister Anne, and their friend the Irish girl Maude, after they had spent a night together without their older brother and guardian Riley.

Riley kept me waiting in the car for more than two hours. By the time he showed up he was himself in such a temper I didn’t dare show any of my own. It seems he’d gone home and found his sisters, Anne and Elizabeth, and Maude Riordan, who had spent the night, still lolling abed: not just that, but Cocoa-Cola bottles and cigarette butts all over the parlour. Maude took the blame: she confessed to having invited some boys over to listen to the radio and dance; but it was the sisters who got punished.

He’d dragged them out of bed and whipped them. I asked what did he mean, whipped them? Turned them over my knee, he said, and whipped them with a tennis shoe. I couldn’t picture this; it conflicted with my sense of Elizabeth’s dignity.

You’re too hard on those girls, I said, adding vindictively: Maude, now there’s the bad one. He took me seriously, said yes he’d intended to whip her if only because she’d called him the kind of names he wouldn’t take off anybody; but before he could catch her she’d bolted out the back door.

Well this scene pushed the right buttons for me anyway. Think of the straight A’s girl-least-likely-to-get-a-spanking from your class at school. And then imagine her tough guy older brother telling you that he had dragged her out of bed, turned her over his knee, and spanked her (and her sister) with a tennis shoe.

Although the details are brief we get to know the most important ones such as the position, implement, and even what they were wearing (just bed clothes presumably). Our imaginations can supply the rest. And the girl-who-probably-does-get-a-spanking-or-two, Maude, witnesses the punishment and flees when she realises that she is next in line.

I’ve seen some hugely exhaustive lists of spanking scenes in novels on the internet. But surprisingly, considering Truman Capote is a famous author, this one doesn’t seem to be on any of them.

A word of waning though. There is a movie of this book, starring Walter Matthau, but not only is the spanking scene omitted, the character of Elizabeth barely appears on screen for more than a second or two. In fact, hardly anyone apart from Matthau himself gets a look in, in this self-indulgent and mediocre film. Give it a wide berth.

In my ideal film of The Grass Harp, Keira Knightley would play Elizabeth, Sienna Miller would play Anne, and Lindsey Lohan would be Maude.

Incidentally, Lyndsey Lohan was going to star alongside Keira Knightley in a film about Welsh poet Dylan Thomas. But she dropped out at the last minute, and Sienna Miller has now taken her place. Dylan Thomas was born just a few years before Truman Capote and also often referred to CP in his writings. But I think I’ll wait until the film comes out before I blog about that.

The Grass Harp

Truman Capote is very much in vogue at the moment with no less than two recent bio-pics made about his life.

He was born in 1924 and raised in various parts of the South – winters in New Orleans, and summers in Alabama and Georgia.

From the point of view of witnessing or hearing stories about corporal punishment whilst growing up, you have to say that he was in very much the right places at the right time. Much of his writing is autobiographical, and this is especially true of The Grass Harp a short novel about small town life peopled with eccentric but loveable characters. It contains I think my favourite C.P. reference from a novel.

The spanking is not directly described, rather it is discussed in a conversation between two of the characters – Riley Henderson and the book’s narrator Collin. Riley uses the word ‘whipped’ to describe the punishment that he has given to his two sisters. Collin replies with just the right question:

I asked, what did he mean, whipped them?

Beautiful Bicycling Butts

The Tour de France begins today, and for the first time ever it is actually starting in the UK. Unfortunately these thong-clad riders are not going to be taking on the London – Canterbury first leg of the race, which would certainly make it more interesting from my point of view.

They were, however, used as part of a bill board advertising campaign to tie in with the event a few years ago. The posters sparked controversy because there were serious concerns that they might distract drivers and cause accidents.

Sloggi advertisements have also come under criticism for being sexist. In France the billboards led to such outrage that even top politicians such as Segolene Royale spoke out against ‘le string’:

“Many headteachers have banned the accessory altogether, which is a very good thing. As far as boys are concerned, the string reduces young women to little more than their bottoms.”

Hmm…since when is wearing a thong sexist? It’s underwear. Granted it’s highly attention getting underwear but it’s still underwear that apparently many women like. It is true though, that some of Sloggi’s adverts seem to be more about the model’s bottoms than the underwear that they are supposedly promoting.

But it must be successful because other companies have copied their style:

Sloggi has also been accused of placing their ads in deliberately provocative locations, such as near schools and mosques, in order to reap the benefit of any subsequent media coverage.

They’ve even sent models to outdoor public locations such as motorway bridges, where they have stripped off and held up boards advertising their website. One such guerilla ad campaign took place in London close to Tower Bridge.

Luckily for us however, there was also a ‘guerilla’ photographer around on the day who made the most of his opportunity:

I think my favourite bottom is fifth from the right in the second picture. Can we have a close up of her please?

Now what’s wrong with that Madame Royale?

Hungarian Game Show

Coming Soon

I’m going to try and upload some clips from the Hungarian gameshow Balazs.

They show girls paying a forfeit which involves three doms who come on stage each bearing a different implement – a crop, a small whip, and a paddle. Their fellow (male) contestants have to choose one of the three men.

In a carefully choreographed punishment sequence, the girl is led to a chair by one of the men and placed over his knee; a second holds her arms, while the chosen one then beats her with his implement. Around twenty strokes are delivered in all.

I can’t stress enough how much I love these clips. In fact, they fit in so well with the pervy-but-fun style of this blog that I hope to upload them all and post them on here eventually.

On the face of it, it’s all done for laughs, and yet there is a genuine element of humiliation about the spankings and probably some real pain too. We get a superb close-up of the bottom during the punishments and lingering close-ups of the girls faces both before and after. The producer of the show, or someone behind it, is clearly a real spanko.

The first one is especially notable for the look of God-I-wish-the-earth-would-swallow-me-up uncertainty on the face of the pretty redhead, whose partner chooses the dom with the whip.

I’ll post it on here tomorrow hopefully, if I don’t have any problems with the uploading process.

7 Whupp

Commercials featuring spanking are always worthy of note, and today I heard an ad on the radio for soft drink 7 Up Free which certainly grabbed my attention.

It began with smacking sound effects punctuated by female giggles and oooh’s. The voiceover, also female and quite sexy, then explained that, even though 7 Up Free has no caffeine, sugar, preservatives or colouring, it is still refreshing enough to give your taste buds a good lime and lemony spanking. Cue more smacking sounds, more ooohs, and even a yee-hah!

I heard it on Talksport, which is a national digital station in the UK. A TV version along similar lines could be very interesting, although I rather doubt that it would slip under the radar in the same way that this radio ad seems to have managed.

7 Up Free is the latest in a long line of fizzy soft drinks that are now being marketed as healthy ‘sports’ drinks. It’s good to see that spanking these days is regarded as more acceptable and politically correct than sugar!

Since I don’t really have any pictures to go with this story, here’s a link to some pictures of Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria instead.

They’re not the ones of her playing beach volleyball that were published a few weeks back and which you’ve probably already seen, but some even newer and equally hot rear views of her frolicking in various swimsuits in St Tropez.

She’s due to get married on 7.7.7 which, come to think of it, would be an excellent date for 7 Up to go global with their spanking ad campaign. Yee- hah!

Ouch! That Hurts!

I love to see a really good butt clutch in the aftermath of a spanking. Who doesn’t? But some spanking models have developed butt-clutching into a fine art.

There’s the single-clutch.

And the double-clutch

Moving up the difficulty scale, we come to the quadruple single-clutch or four in a row. It could have been five, but the girl on the extreme left didn’t get her right hand far enough down to convince the judges that she was clutching rather than inspecting. Still a brave attempt.

And here we have a rarely attempted triple double clutch.

And a perfectly executed double, double-forehand/backhand-clutch combination.

Superb!

Even mainstream models, such as Keeley, are getting in on the act. This is a pretty rare pose for a Page 3 girl. More than welcome though.

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